I heard that previous Trials participants prepared speeches during the Community Vote phase, so here's a little something I wrote up just now.
[FADE IN TO STUDIO WITH TWO MEN SITTING ON EITHER SIDE OF A TABLE, WITH WHAT LOOK LIKE TWO POTTED PLANTS BESIDES THEIR CHAIRS.]
Imatool: Hello everyone and welcome back to Between Two Forest Spirits. My name is Imatool and my host today is author, business man, political activist and ElementsCommunity member, Bhle…Bluh…Bleh…
Bhlewos: Bhlewos.
Imatool: Berf –
Bhlewos: Bhlewos.
Imatool: Bork –
Bhlewos: You know what, you can call me Bob.
Imatool: Okay. Hello Bob.
Bhlewos: Hello Imatool.
Imatool: I’m sorry.
Bhlewos: Excuse me?
Imatool: What?
Bhlewos: *raises eyebrow, then shrugs* Forget it.
Imatool: Okay. *hides smirk by pretending to glance down at flash cards* So uh, tell me more about yourself, Barf – uh, Bob.
Bhlewos: Sure. I’m a –
Imatool: *interrupts with a loud bout of coughing*
Bhlewos: Uh – are you okay?
Imatool: Yeah, I’m uh – I’m fine.
Bhlewos: …right.
Imatool: Anyway, go on.
Bhlewos: Okay. Well –
Imatool: So I don’t want to beat around the bush here -- *motions for an assistant to step into view, beating the potted plant, while Bhlewos tries his best not to look annoyed at being interrupted again* -- you are participating in this term’s Trials, running for the position of Master of Gravity. A Master, according to the official definition, is “a decorated and respected veteran player who knows a lot about Elements and is skillful in PvP”. Many have brought up concerns about your lack of “decorations”.
Bhlewos: I’m glad you asked –
Imatool: Wait! *holds up his hand* Don’t interrupt me.
Bhlewos: *doesn’t even try to disguise his annoyed look this time*
Imatool: As I was saying – you don’t have any forum icons, you’ve never participated in a PvP tournament before, you’re not a staff member like fellow Trials member 927…9270…er, Numbers, nor have you participated in a War like both nilsieboy and numbers. The one League you joined, you failed to meet the 30 matches criteria. What makes you think you qualify to be a Master?
Bhlewos: Well, Imatool –
Imatool: I’m sorry.
Bhlewos: *shoots a death-glare at Imatool *…I’m glad you asked. While it’s not in the description, a Master also has to be involved in the community. In fact, that was one of the tasks we were to given, to comment on other members’ card or deck ideas and provide valuable feedback. My greatest strength in my opinion is what I’ve done for the Elements community. I’ve always been a regular to the cards and decks section, commenting on them and voting in polls. When I’m logged into chat, which is often, I always try to help newbies who have questions about gameplay. I’ve even signed up as a mentor, though I haven’t had the chance to do much work with that yet. There’s also the matter of the community service I’ve done –
Imatool: More like
Elementscommunity service, amirite? *tries and fails to wink at the camera. There is a beat of annoyed silence from Bhlewos, then Imatool coughs awkwardly* Go ahead.
Bhlewos: Well like I said, my community service, of which my current project is improving the literacy rate among the Gravity forums.
Imatool: Right. I remember that book you wrote identifying the problem with all the illiterate Gravity players in today’s society.
Bhlewos: Oh, you read it?
Imatool: No it was too long.
Bhlewos: …Right. Well, uh, that’s the exact problem I identified. See, most Elements players have your usual level of Internet literacy. They mix up their “the”s with “teh”s, and oftentimes forget punctuation or basic rules of grammar. But as bad as some are, most still pay attention to card descriptions and read what they do. But it’s not the case with Gravity players. Because many of their cards ignore shields, they just don’t bother to read. At all. It’s what I call the “Chargers TL;DR subculture”.
Imatool: Right. But what about weaknesses? To use some Elements slang, we like our Masters to be balanced, not OP or UP. What can you tell us about what you’re lacking in?
Bhlewos: Well, as you pointed out, there have been doubts about my experience. It’s true that I’m not very well known in the PvP scene, but I believe you only have to look at my matches with nilsie and numbers for proof that I’m an adequate PvP player.
Imatool: You lost.
Bhlewos: Well –
Imatool: Both matches.
Bhlewos: …They were close games. But anyway, I’m constantly improving my PvP skills. I spent hours on my Phase 2 decks, testing the quanta balance for each of them and using the Trainer to face common Gravity decks like Discord/BH. Which brings me to another point – I try to use new, creative decks rather than the tried and true. I avoided using Discord/BH or Fractal Chargers in Phase 2, and –
Imatool: That led to your losses.
Bhlewos: Well, no. But –
Imatool: Masters have to lead War too. And more importantly, Masters have to
win War. You can’t win War by deliberately
not using tried and true decks.
Bhlewos: That’s a discussion for another time. But winning in PvP also has to do with deck choice. You have to anticipate what your opponent will choose, and anticipate what your
opponent anticipates what you’ll choose. That’s half the battle, and I’m pretty experienced in that as well.
Imatool: Whatever. That doesn’t mean you’re better at the other candidates at PvP.
Bhlewos: I never said –
Imatool: Anyway, another thing a Master has to be able to do is promote his element.
Bhlewos: Or hers.
Imatool: Excuse me, whose show is this?
Bhlewos: I’m sorry, I just thought it would be more correct to –
Imatool: Right, well, you were wrong.
Bhlewos: *nods slowly, an irritated look on his face*
Imatool: So as I was saying, a Master has to be able to promote his
or her element (happy?). What can you do in this department that the other candidates can’t?
Bhlewos: Well, Numbers and Nilsie are both great guys and would be able to promote Gravity very well. But I’ve had more experience in this area than the PvP department. For example Gravity was my first element and my favorite, and I’ve always promoted it as one of the coolest, if not the best.
Imatool: I understand that you are one of the investors in the new “Armedilgo” franchise.
Bhlewos: Yes, the one that Legit started. It’s actually –
[A SWAT TEAM BURSTS INTO THE STUDIO, WAVING AROUND AK-47s AND POINTING LASER POINTERS AT BHLEWOS]
SWAT: HANDS UP! DON’T MOVE!
Imatool: I’M INNOCENT! I’M INNOCENT! I KNOW NOTHING! I WASN’T THERE THAT NIGHT AT THE HOTEL AND I DEFINITELY DIDN’T KILL MARIANNE –
SWAT: Shut up, we’re not here for you!
Imatool: …You’re not?
Bhlewos: Uh, officer, what’s all this about?
SWAT: We got an anonymous tip-off that you were using a Firestall in the Arena today?
Bhlewos: Uh…
Imatool: I thought you didn’t use the “tried-and-true”!
Bhlewos: This is different! Besides this is the only time I’ve ever used a Firestall in the Arena before! And what’s wrong with Firestalls?
SWAT: They’re annoying and people hate it when you pack 12 SoGs and Explosions in there.
Bhlewos: Well, what was I supposed to do when the Oracle gave me Fire Pillars? Wait, no, stop. The bigger question is, how is this illegal?
SWAT: Get over here. *One SWAT member puts handcuffs on Bhlewos*
Bhlewos: Wait, aren’t you supposed to read me my 5th amendment rights?
SWAT: People who use Firestalls in the Arena don’t have rights. They don’t deserve to be called human beings.
Bhlewos: That’s kind of harsh…wait, what are you doing? Where are you taking me? *struggles against the SWAT team who is dragging him off the set. The door slams shut, leaving Imatool the only one in the studio apart from the camera crew*
Imatool: So, uh. Tune in next time for our interview with Zach Galifi…Galfulker…Galifanny…Galif –
[SCENE]