From The Emperor Himself
The ulitharid stood at the door, waiting for a response.
He knocked again. Finally a young tentacle gingerly opened it; the visitor wasted no time.
"Good morning little one, are your parents home?" A quiet wiggle of assent, then the young one shut the door and went to find its parents.
Moments later, the salesman faced a larger tentacle at eye level. "Good morning! How are you today?"
The homeowner simply provided a "Fine," in reply.
"Great. Today I'd like to offer you some hope in the face of the troubles our nation is dealing with out in the battlefield and here at home. By chance, do you have any family in the military?"
"An uncle in the navy. What of it?"
"Please make sure to pass along my thanks for his service. Fighters like him are the reason it's even possible to have the expedition to Aurdinas. I assume you've heard of it?" Another wiggle indicated yes. "However, the dragon will potentially become a sea hunter when it's driven off, with the mountain range so close. Then the talk of rebellion in the capital, with the Emperor away..."
At this, the tentacle scooted back slightly. "The Emperor...isn't in the capital? Surely you jest."
"I do not, my friend. He is leading in battle in Aurdinas even now; what better way to bring glory to the empire? However, he need not be far, which is why I've come to speak with you today..." From his small cart the peddler pulled a vial of black liquid and a waterproof parchment. "The Emperor's own ink, carefully preserved from his glorious victories."
"As though that's really his ink."
Not to be discouraged, he waved the parchment at the prospective buyer. "Verified by the Royal Scrollmaster."
The certificate bore the right markings and signatures, but this still didn't quite make the sale. "Okay, I get it, it's valuable and real. What difference does it make?"
"What difference does it make?! Surely you jest! The blessings this will bring to your household are manifold...
"First, we are all aware of the power The Emperor has over all sea creatures. He can move through The Glittering Curtain without a sting, he could slap a shark if he wanted to without fear! Well, the enchantment in his blood is passed through his ink! If there is a rebellion while he is away, you'll be able to put off anyfish that comes raiding with just a whif of this!
"Next, the Emperor, praise his slime, is blessed with the thickest, blackest ink in existence! Should you choose, you could paint it on any object you salvage from the surface, and make it impervious to water!
"Finally, its fragrance is irresistible! No doubt you have seen the beauty of Lady Tendrillia? Well, this will make your wife... or anyone else, for that matter... go wild!"
After the successful exchange of coins and a few shells, the ulitharid thanked his customer, wishing him the best of the Emperor's blessing, then moved on towards the next door. As he went, cart rolling along, he pulled out another vial of muddy water and another forged certificate from a hidden compartment on the cart. At the next door, a knock.
The ulitharid stood at the door, waiting for a response.
