The Count of Monte Deuce - Escape from SG's Basement
I poked my head up through the hole in the ground I had just opened. I was not outdoors, as I expected. Disappointed, I almost returned to my cell. But before I ducked back into my tunnel, I noticed a man - or what used to be one - cowered in the corner of his cell. I apologized to him:
"Forgive my intrusion. I was under the impression that I was digging toward the outer wall." I crawled out of the tunnel and extended my hand toward him. He ignored my polite gesture, but I introduced myself, anyway.
"My name is deuce, deuce22. I have been a prisoner in SG's Basement for 33 months, 15 of which were spent digging this tunnel." I laughed at the absurdity of it.
The other prisoner stared blankly at me for a while, but finally spoke:
"There are 12,782 stones on my wall. I have counted them many times."I smiled at him.
"Over 9,000, eh? But have you named them yet?"He began to cry, I can only guess at the realization that he was just beginning to feel the touch of insanity that comes with such long term isolation. I tried to console him.
"Once I was as you are now, but I promise: It. Will. Pass. I promise, young man. I promise."I looked around. His cell was identical to mine, except mirrored. Slightly rectangular, with the door in the right corner. Cot in the back left corner. Small window on the back wall about 15 feet high. I made him an offer I knew he wouldn't refuse.
"Would you like to see my cell?" His eyes lit up. I got into the tunnel first, head first, of course. There was just enough room for me wiggle my way from one end to the other. He followed me and a few minutes later we both emerged in my cell. I did have one other thing that was lacking in his cell. My jailers allowed me some pen and paper, so I had a nice stack of my writings in the corner. I didn't know if I would ever get out of here, so I wanted to make sure I recorded everything I knew. Just in case someone else might be able to learn from it.
My disappointment about the tunnel not leading me to freedom turned to hope as I had an idea.
"There are only two possibilities of reaching the outer wall, and I simply chose the wrong one! Now, with the two of us, we can dig in the opposite direction. And with both of us, then of course, we could possibly do it in, oh ... 8 months." He laughed at me. I quipped back at him:
"Do you have something else to mind your time? Some pressing appointment, perhaps?" This wiped the smile from his face.
"In return for your help, I offer something priceless."He responded sarcastically.
"My forum account?"I ignored the sarcasm and went straight to the point.
"Accounts can be taken away, as you well know. I offer knowledge. Everything I have learned. I will teach you, oh, how to win in Tournaments, advanced deck-building techniques, how to get first place in Platinum Arena, even how to lead your team to a victory in War!"Hope shone in his eyes for the first time since I first saw him.
"To defeat AI1?"I laughed.
"Of course!"He looked at the ground for a moment, then looked me directly in the eyes.
"When do we start?"We started the next day. The guards never interacted with us directly - they just opened a small slot in our door twice a day. In the morning, they would take our toilet bucket. This is where we hid the dirt. In the evening, they would pour some "soup" into our bowls. Between those times, we were able to work all day without fear of discovery. Neglect became our ally.
Of course, I had to hold up my end of the bargain, too. So when we weren't digging, I was teaching.
"It's not always the largest deck that wins. Speed. Speed often determines the result.""Compute the QI of '12 aether pillars, 6 phase dragons, 6 phase spiders and 6 dim shields'.""Keep modifying your decks until you have consistent draws."
"How long must we keep this up?"
"... I'm going to work on the tunnel."One day, he asked me about how I came to be in SG's Basement.
"So you were in Higurashi's army?"I sat back against the wall.
"We had such dreams then. However, one night, my regiment ran down some gravilla soldiers who ran into a Sanctuary. I was ordered to Deflagrate it with them inside it."He leaned forward.
"Did you?"I looked at him, then looked away. I couldn't say this while maintaining eye contact.
"To my everlasting shame, I did. I did."There was silence for a few moments. Then he prodded further.
"How did you come to be here?"I sighed, then continued my story.
"The following day I deserted to devote my life to repentance and to Zanz. I worked as a private secretary to an enormously wealthy admin, Xenocidius. Sadly, a couple of months later, he left the forums - amongst rumors that he had hidden the secret to winning wars. 2 weeks later, I was arrested."He was fully captivated.
"Why?""Higurashi wanted Xeno's secret. After winning thrice she did not believe that I had no idea what it was. So, she had me thrown in here, to refresh my memory. So here I have remained with only SG's ghost for company. Until she sent me you. And what about you?"He looked away. I recognized that look. Shame. I thought he was going to refuse to answer, but just before I apologized for asking, he spoke weakly,
"I...I was banned for low content posts."Confused, I asked,
"Do they really ban for that now?"He started crying. I was uncomfortable, but tried not to show it. He continued through the tears,
"They warned me multiple times. But I just couldn't help myself. I wanted a high post count. I guess I was trying to compensate for my lack of skill in EtG."I scooted toward him and put my arm around him.
"There, there. It'll be okay. Once we get out of this basement, you'll be ready for Trials. And who knows, maybe even War."The lessons continued. He was learning, and showed a lot of promise.
"Define Stallbreak for me."
"A stallbreak is a deck archetype that is designed around ramping damage along time so as to deny stalls their main advantages."
"Translation?"
"Bulk up first, damage later.""Just like in physics, in both EtG and in the forums, for every action there is a reaction."
"Just like my ban was a reaction to the shitposts I made."Finally, my calculations showed that we were far enough from my cell to make it beyond the basement walls and into open ground. We wanted to be well rested, so we slept from morning until evening. He joined me in my cell with his dinner, and we ate our soup together. We praised Zanz that it would likely be our last meal there, one way or the other. Then we waited. After a few hours, we decided that it was dark enough outside to make our break. We crawled into the tunnel - me first since I was more familiar with the layout of the grounds. Once we reached the end, I said a quick prayer to Zanz and pushed open the ground above my head. I pulled myself out, trying to take it all in while still moving as quickly as possible. We were actually outside! We had done it! I reached down and pulled my companion up. But right as we turned to sneak away, a spotlight hit us. I could hear the automated voice of Higurashi:
"CODE TURQUOISE! CODE TURQUOISE!"We immediately started running, hearing Thunderbolts being shot at us from behind. At first I thought we might actually make it, but I could soon tell that I was holding him back. I was too old to keep up, and if we stayed together I would just get both of us killed. I pulled him close to me behind a tree.
"Here!" I shoved a piece of paper into his pocket.
"It's a map. Don't tell anyone else about it. And please, use it wisely."He was confused, but did realize that I was telling him to go on without me.
"No! You are the only reason I'm free. I'm not leaving you behind!""Don't question me. Just go."He hesitated, but I didn't. I ran off on a tangent from our escape route and started whooping and hollering. I tried to get their attention and allow him to escape. I don't know if it worked, but I am holding on to Hope. They eventually captured me, and now I'm under 24/7 guard. I know I may never again escape SG's Basement, but I still hold out hope that my companion is now out there somewhere, winning Wars.
