Basically, of course you don't want to be contradicting someone if you ever want to convince them of something. Almost any other method is more effective and respectful, and many methods are very effective while still not forcing you to compromise logic, rationality or having to suck up to anyone. In the end, winning an argument just means someone has learned something from the exchange. That's the only way to win anything in life.
I've once read somewhere, can't remember where, that people don't exactly care about learning anything or about truth. They just want to win, or at least not lose, to feed their egos or something along those lines. It's true that such tendencies are less prominent in some people than others, and such people can appear to argue and learn rationally. But on a subconscious level, I'd think that everyone is at least somewhat affected by the backfire effect. You can't be a mentally normal human without having an ego.
Mm, I don't know. I've known a lot of competitive teenagers alright, my little brother being one of them, but people usually grow out of that since it's just a manifestation of identity-seeking and insecurity. Egos are a very fragile thing when they don't have much experience yet, and thus very defensive.
I don't think a mature, rational individual is ever forced into a backfire effect unless it's earthshaking to their existence. Some people need their strong beliefs in order to keep on trucking, but I don't think most people are ever forced into the backfire effect. Having an ego doesn't equate to irrationally responding with your emotions just because something contests one of your beliefs. I've come to know a lot of open-minded people and if I may be a bit presumptuous I think your bitterness could be cured in the same way mine was. I was a wronged, lonely and angry teenager coming out of a terrible childhood.
That said, sure, most young people think it's too much work to be open-minded. They're generally pretty uninformed and lazy, but it's getting better. More and more are taking an interest in society, and the age where people are getting more involved seems to be lowering. Even the net ain't so bad; you just have to find the constructive communities. The net tends to make people follow existing trends where they are even more than normal.
