a basic in psychology: how to deal with a depressed friend

[tyranim]

depression is a disorder that causes us to look at life in a more negative, more helpless aspect. while depressed, we feel that no one cares about us. it is important to pay attention to and comfort a friend with depression. DONT lecture them, that will only make them feel more helpless (yes, it seems like it seems like your helping, but it will only make things worse, it makes them feel like you are calling them stupid). the ONLY things a depressed person wants is to be listened to, comforted, and supported by those he/she cares for the most. and even if you dont know him/her very well, it will help a ton to comfort him/her anyway. and i need to bring this up again, LECTURING IS BAD! even when your friend ISNT depressed, lecturing is something you should never do anyway. it is one of the quickest ways to ruin your relationship with your depressed friend. and if you are the type who hate "emo bullsh*t", the more you support, the quicker the "emo bullsh*t" goes away and you wont have to deal with it anymore.

Credibility: Into to Psych

[Naesala]

While being listened to isnt the ONLY thing people with depression want, the core lesson here, that lecturing does not help the depressed, is a good lesson. I especially hate people who go on about "emo bullshit". I personally would be someone considered emo by quite a few people. When I had bouts of depression people talking about how stupid emoness is and calling it pretentious bullshit, it really made the whole situation even worse. Thanks for your post.

[semibalanus]

I would personally introduce my depressed friend to elements and let the game to the job of cheering them up.

[DeadHerald]

Most people that encounter a depressed person will react with hostility, thinking that they can simply shame the person into righting themselves. That's one of my theories anyway, my other is that they can't be bothered to care about a depressed person.

In either case, most people don't care to expend the energy involved helping a depressed person get better. Then when that person kills themself, they blame video games or heavy metal music.

I am expert on this.

[Absol]

What a depressed friend needs most is ear. As in, someone who listens. Too often we face people who could only talk, not even bothering to listen to our voice. Everyone can talk. But not everyone can listen.

By listening, you're showing that you care. You're basically saying "i will be there for you when you need it". He don't need a mouth to constantly reminds that he's wrong, a failure. He needs someone who can comfort him.

Where did this come from? Self-study, observation, and first hand experience.

[Camoninja]

Sometimes the problem is they feel like they can't do something on their own but don't feel comfortable asking for help. It's not just the ear that matters, you have to get them to want to confide in you, or your offers to listen are completely useless. That might be difficult, depending on the personality and how well you know them,. A stranger coming up out of nowhere offering free help for no reason would make anyone suspicious, no? Especially if they don't talk to (m)any people to begin with.

Spoiler for credibility? Foolishness!:

I got myself into a vicious cycle of online flash game addiction. When I was little I was a solitary person (I still am), and a few people used to make fun of me (I cared way too much about people making fun of me) for having no friends then, or turning red if too many people looked at me at once. That was one of my first problems.

I was at the top of my class then, so I never had any homework to do at home. That made me always bored and I developed habits of not doing any homework at home. Flash games gave me the perfect solution at the time: I could focus entirely on the game and forget about all my problems, there was no consequence if I did something wrong, and if I talked to anyone on the internet they had no idea who I was so they couldn't make fun of me.

At some point I realized nobody in the real world cared how many digital cards I had in a game they hadn't heard of, and my homework habits ended up with getting the wrong grades on my report cards. On top of that, the grades mattered in real life and if I kept down that path I'd end up a hobo without a computer to avoid my problems. I had no idea what to do, and was too ashamed to ask for help, as well as not trusting anyone enough to tell them anything. So I kept my growing problems to myself and became depressed, and I wouldn't have trusted any people that offered to "listen."

[vrt]

Credibility: Into to Psych

Uhm, okay.

[tyranim]

Credibility: Into to Psych

Uhm, okay.

depression is one of the first things they teach you in that class. or at least it was for my class

[vrt]

Credibility: Into to Psych

Uhm, okay.

depression is one of the first things they teach you in that class. or at least it was for my class

Never heard of an "Into to Psych" class.

[tyranim]

Credibility: Into to Psych

Uhm, okay.

depression is one of the first things they teach you in that class. or at least it was for my class

Never heard of an "Into to Psych" class.

its a freshman college course

[vrt]

I forgot, Freshman college courses save lives. You go, you hero you.

[DeadHerald]

Credibility: Into to Psych

Uhm, okay.

depression is one of the first things they teach you in that class. or at least it was for my class

It is far more complicated than that, unfortunately.