EEK A SPIDER
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5rg 5rg 5rg 5rk 5rk 5rk 5rk 5ru 5ru 5ru 5ru 5ru 5ru 5t2 5t2 5t2 5up 5up 5v1 5v1 5v1 5v1 5v1 5v1 7q0 7q0 7q0 7q0 7q0 7q0 7tb 8pt2 Turns Sundials was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The 1.14 patch notes was signed by the developer, the Zanz, the meta, and the false gods. RR signed it: and RR's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Sundial was as dead as a door-nail.
[Some patches later the same day, which lasts more than 5 years.]
Once upon a time -- of all the good days in the year, on the 1st of October -- old RR sat busy in his pc-house. It was cold, bleak, rainy padanian autumn weather: foggy withal.
"A merry War, RR! Servers save you!" cried a cheerful voice. It was the voice of RR's general, who came upon him so quickly that this was the first intimation he had of his approach.
"Bah!" said RR, "Humbug!"
"War a humbug, uncle!" said RR's general. "You don't mean that, I am sure."
"I do," said RR. "Merry War! What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You're prey of the random number generator."
[Also, sorry Charles, I'll stop butchering you completely. Also, I don't know old english enough to write in it. So
STYLE CHANGE]
It was the 30th of September.
"War duels start tomorrow 1 AM, eh. I'd better go to sleep early, I have to be ready for tomorrow."
RR went to check the time, but what he saw in the clock was not that it was time to go to sleep, but rather the art of his long lost card, a 2-turn Sundial.
"wot."
As he made his way towards his bed, RR felt uneasy. He even logged in to see Zanz had still not updated Elements yet, so Sundial couldn't have gone back.
"hah. 2 Turn Sundial, that's what nightmares are made of." And he set himself to sleep.
His bedroom's window opened, and the wind started to howl.
"BOO."
"AAAH. 2-TURN SUNDIAL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE."
"DO YOU REMEMBER THE TIME WE USED TO FARM FGS TOGETHER RR? DO YOU REMEMBER CRUSHING MIRACLE LIKE HE WAS PARADOX?"
"I sure do. I also remember stopping to play for a while because I had a nightmare of you."
"DO YOU SEE HOW HARD WAS I NERFED? AND YOU WILL TOO, IF YOU DON'T REPENT AND THUS ESCAPE MY FATE."
"wait how do i ge-"
"TONIGHT YOU WILL BE HAUNTED BY THREE GHOSTS."
"I already heard this story with christmas."
"I NEED TO ADD NOTHING THEN. GOODBYEEEE RRRRRRRRR"
Shocks, gasps, confusion. How does an human get nerfed. But an important thought: "I better close the window."
And in that, a ghost entered the room.
"Hey you. I am the Ghost of the Past. I just wanted to tell you I should not be in your deck for next round."
"Couldn't you have appeared some hours earlier?"
"No."
"Oh, sweet. Do you have anything to show me, visions of my past, of the youthful 15 year old me slaying FGs and Farming?"
"No."
"Are you here to show me how happy I was before the SoG nerf, when I could Waterstall my way through CL?"
"No."
"Why are you here?"
"Eh, I wanted some company. It gets lonely. Enter the Ghost of Birthday Presents!""Wait shouldn't you disappear or do something that's not downing me bef-"
A flash of light, the Ghost of Birthday Presents entered the room.
"YO HO HO. I AM THE GHOST OF BIRTHDAY PRESENTS.""Are you here to show me what am I going to receive for birthday?"
"Yes."
"Hey, just let him introduce himself. We've been paid for this.""Just don't. I'd like to keep the surprise."
A long silence.
"Wait. Why are you naked?"
"You should be naked too."A second flash of light, the Ghost of Future Pasts entered the room. Grim, moderately aetheral, with a [I don't talk] sticker on the mouth. And the face of Spike.
The ghosts of the past and the ghost of birthday presents exit the room. Dm joined. Dm left.
"Spike? Why are you here?"
Nothing.
"Spike. What do you have to show me?"
A wave of the hand. A vision. It's war #58. RR still hasn't won a war. It's patch 1.41.
"OH NO. PLEASE NO. JUST LET ME WIN A WAR BEFORE MY GRANDCHILDREN. JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO."
A second wave of the hand. Another vision. A sundial.
"Oh I have to convince Zanz to buff sundial again."
A slap to the face.
"No one wants old Sundial back anymore. It was an oppressive card. What are you going to suggest now? A card that deals 5 damage for 1 quanta? A card that gives 2 of all quanta? A creature that has an ability that lets it destroy permanents for free and makes it bulkier?"So what do I have to do?"
"You can start winning war matches, maybe.""Oh."
tl;dr - I suck. Happy birthday RR.
