The entire American political spectrum is fairly right wing compared to the rest of the world. Obama would have difficulty getting elected in many places in Europe if he ran on the same campaign platform as he did in the US, simply because it's very conservative - his administration's stances on many social issues would be regarded as quite frankly backward in many other countries. Of course the Republican party would just get laughed off the political stage. Relatively speaking, the Democrats are left wing compared to the rest of the mainstream candidates in the US, but compared to other countries they rank pretty right wing and pretty authoritarian; claiming that everyone in the US is so far left wing and not properly "conservative" just makes you look silly, because the internet has a broad variety of views from across the political spectrum, and you come across as a fringe-dwelling kook when you criticise the republican party for being too "liberal".
You suggest that "Your definition of conservative is way off from what most conservatives believe" but I believe it's actually just way off from what you want conservatism to be. The conservative movement in the US is a collection of different groups not defined by a specific ideology as such but by their relative position to the rest of the political spectrum - hence the traditional meaning of the word as supporting tradition or the status quo. The Republican party are conservatives in the same way that the Democrats are liberal - that is, the way those terms are applied are the traditional labels of American political discourse and not necessarily useful terms outside your country.
Perhaps it would be more helpful if you talked about the type of conservatism (
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservatism_in_the_United_States#Types) you're talking about. What you appear to be describing is extreme liberalism (known in the US as libertarianism) as the position you would like conservatism to occupy. I suspect you would in fact subscribe more heavily to Libertarian Conservatism (
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Libertarian_conservatism). I am very very curious as to your political compass outcome, because it seems quite at odds with the views that you've previously stated in these threads.
Examples of the issues, and the conservative/liberal stance:
Stem cells- Conservative: NOT a government function. Keep the government out of it. If a person or company wants to reserach then fine."
Many religious conservatives are opposed to stem cells on ideological (read: religious) grounds. In fact, they are in opposition to the progressive (political term) applications of science, which is reasonable grounds to call them conservative. It also represents a big change in societal values and institutions, which means that classical conservatives are often opposed to it.
On the other hand, liberal progressives promote choice on the issue, because liberalism (as well as libertarianism) tries to promote personal rights and freedoms. They don't, as you so crudely tried to insinuate, try to force the issue in any moral direction, just allow people to practice their research. This is similar to issues on abortion - remember in this situation that conservatism is reactionary; Pro-Choice advocates aren't promoting forced abortions, they promote the ability to choose. Again, it's classic conservatism that is reactionary on that issue.
Homosexuality- Conservative: You have the right to pursue happiness. If that's what you want to do then fine. Keep the government out of our bedrooms.
Again, this is an odd interpretation of "conservative". In fact, conservative positions almost always come down against homosexuality or gay marriage because it "threatens the sanctity of marriage" and the belief that homosexuality is a sin or deplorable behaviour - classic conservatism defending traditional societal values and institutions.
Again, liberalism (and libertarianism) promotes choice, information and equality. Unfortunately in the US any sort of education about homosexuality is to be defended against by reactionary conservatives as part of the "commie liberal bundle of sticks agenda".
TL;DR summary: you are clearly a Libertarian Conservative. The Conservative movement is much wider than you're trying to portray it, and for the most part does not agree with you on social issues on which you would actually align more closely with Liberals.