Hell a friend of mine got raped, told someone because she believed they wouldn't laugh or think she diserved it (because that in the jokes that were mainly around there was the main reason why girls got raped, because they dressed like they were asking for it) and she got laughed and told she must have dressed in too much of a showy thing so it looked like she was asking for it, she killed herself a week later because of that.
My blood is boiling after reading this comment; my entire body is literally shaking with rage. I am truly sorry for your loss.
I myself have never been raped, nor have I come close to such an encounter. However the environment I was raised in and still live in was and continues to be littered with such incidents. From my experience the people around here don't joke about these types of things unless I know from rumors on the street that the person is a) Directly involved in the raping themselves b) Directly involved in gang activity, not always including rape or c) An adolescent trying to act tough and become involved in gang activity. Of course the fact that these incidents happen somewhat commonly only adds to the sense that the community is in a continually state of decay; joking about them brings about very different reactions from very different people. The act itself is horrific, horrific enough for much of the community to consider taking direct action against the crime itself. However because so many people either fear these streets or believe that nothing can ever be done about them, still nothing continues to be done about it. Oh sure, everyone cringes at the next crime that happens and occasionally murmurs something about how it needs to be stopped, but the lack of resolve, willpower and courage is what ultimately prevents any and all preventive matters from taking place. Thugs who commit the crimes themselves typically deduce that their lives aren't going to improve any time soon, so there's no point in trying to do good when nothing good results from it. Or at least those are the types of responses that I've received from discussing the issue with a few ex-convicts I have met.
While I can't say that this is the exact same scenario in all communities where rape is a common problem, I can assume that it's not a topic to be taken lightly as more and more of us become aware of its atrocity. I imagine it's very easy to sometimes forget about how serious a problem this is when sitting behind a computer for hours, even days, on end. The internet serves as a massive time sink and is essentially a portal into a world isolated from the one that exists right outside of our front doors. As things become less real to us it becomes easier to take them less seriously, that to me seems to be the real issue here. Most people have enough common sense to know that rape itself is wrong but to actually know what it means beyond that usually takes firsthand experience or personal ties to a person who has experienced it themselves.
I personally know and remain in contact with 3 people who have been raped themselves. All three of them are mothers to multiple children (whether or not any of these children are the results of those rape incidents I do not know, nor am I sure that I want to know) and they all have had different reactions and coping techniques in response to the event. One of them was so greatly affected that I cannot be within the same room as her by myself and instead must be accompanied by one or two people (almost always women) who she can trust. She has absolutely no problems with me mentoring or teaching her children, but she still cannot trust herself with me alone. The second has been known to have several nervous and/or psychological breakdowns and is currently being hospitalized because of a rather severe breakdown as I type this message right now. The third I have the least amount of contact with despite having known her for several years. I have never seen the woman crack a smile once in the time that I have known her and any attempts to strike up a conversation with her have only resulted in silence or short responses which indicated obvious disinterest in my presence completely. If you were to ask me to try and use rape in a joking manner to any one of these women I can guarantee you that the response I would receive would be anything besides rage or complete disgust. It seems I was beaten to the punch for my next point:
Also my opinion is almost being raped and actually being raped are two totally different things. For instance I was raped from the age of 6 till I was 10 years old, my fiancee was almost date raped those are totally different experiences.
Will say this now, I am sorry that happened to you all and I'm glad you made it through it.
QFT. The main difference between actually being raped and
almost being raped is that at the end of the day only one of you is able to say, "Well at least the worst didn't happen." It's not simply a matter of having a traumatic event happen to you, it has a lot to do with having your sense of security shattered to pieces, being violated completely, and so on. I can't even begin to fathom what the experience would be like because I've never been in the situation myself.
As for myself...
I don't try to press my beliefs on other people. If you want to discuss why an issue is right or wrong with me then that's fine, but I will not argue with anyone if you are unable to accept my beliefs as
my beliefs and attempt to force your beliefs on me. In saying that, I believe wholeheartedly that telling people who have been raped to take it less seriously is the real joke here. It's not a matter of becoming accustomed to hearing it used in a joking fashion so long as the event continues to scar you every time you even recollect about the event itself. They say time heals all wounds, but this is a much deeper wound than most are inclined to believe, and everyone responds differently to the incident; humour is rarely one of these methods of coping. As was pointed out before, it's very, very difficult to cope with the event itself, to be ridiculed for it as if you had somehow done something wrong is unjust. To have the eyes of your peers fall upon you more out of pity, hatred, anger, disgust, compassion...just because someone wasn't able to contain the animal within them is so wrong that I doubt that I will ever be at rest with the issue until I am dead. If I even hear anyone use rape in a joking manner then I immediately believe them to be very ignorant or insensitive of the world around them. That's not to say that I would hate them for their beliefs; you can't put the blame on someone for never being able to understand the issue in the first place.
The topic of rape has always saddened me for a number of reasons. My heart laments for each of you who has experienced this firsthand.
