Rape jokes right or wrong?

[IceySammy]

I've noted that a few people have used the term "you raped me" or "I should of abused her". From my background and a few others, these aren't really jokes or a subject to be joked about. It is a serious problem some have, it's like making jokes about blind people etc, it's insensitive and in some cases pathetic.

But I was wondering what others views on these "jokes" were. A okay thing to joke about and why the subject is something to joke about? Or is it something that shouldn't be joked about and why you think that?

After I get some answers I'll say why I think the jokes in my books are wrong and not something to be joked about in any circumstance.

[Naesala]

Jokes diffuse tension about difficult subjects. Although I think phrases like "you raped me" or "thats gay" aren't really jokes, those are simply offensive and stem from a lack of better vocabulary. Many kids may say these things without understanding why. But as for actual jokes, it depends. Covering all types of offensive jokes (sex, sexuality, race, age, disability, politics, rape, murder, suicide, emos, etc etc) what it really comes down too is who you say it too. And i dont even mean avoiding making black jokes around blacks. You can say black jokes around some blacks, and they'll laugh, and likewise you can say black jokes around some whites and they'll be offended. I personally do not think there is a problem with "offensive" jokes so long as they are meant to be jokes. I laugh at jokes that make fun of faults I have, even though some are very somber topics. Just know your audience before telling a joke, and ask forgivess if you offend

[flyingblind92]

rape jokes are right

[dracomageat]

I don't agree with them per se but, after spending a lot of time on the internet, I barely notice anymore.

[Higurashi]

Jokes have the power to make things more accepted in society. If we can laugh at something, it's immediately taken less serious as a whole in society.
The same goes doubly for common expressions, which this is an example of. When we incorporate something into everyday life, we stop taking note of it.

This is why expressions like these are a horrible idea, and they are a result of a society that's been overexposed to horrible events. We shift the responsibility to someone else because there are so many of us, and grow distant from some incredibly vital issues.

On a personal level, I have no idea how someone can use these kinds of expressions without feeling disgusted with themselves. I realise they don't think about it because it's been accepted, but we can and should always retain our own ability to think and judge the morality of actions and words.

[nerd1]

like every other joke, rape jokes depend on the context. After losing badly in a video game, you might say, in a joking tone "you raped me" to indicate how badly s/he beat you, using hyperbole.

[IceySammy]

I'm glad I got some answers was a bit worried for a bit that this sort of convosation wouldn't be ok lol.

I partly agree with both Higurashi and Naesala. Rape and other jokes like it are overly used and make the situation seem less horriible etc and just plain make us except it as "just part of the world". It actually disgusts me how many times I've heard people make rape jokes to rape victims and then when they are told that not only does it offend them but bring up bad memories etc, they laugh at them. I mean I've even heard 13 year old children making these jokes and laughing at rape victims like its as bad as scraping your knee or something and nothing serious.
But I also understand its how some people deal with it, some need to make light of things to get through them and to stop themselves getting depressed etc. But surely there are just some things you shouldn't make jokes out of, or atleast be sensitive to how others may feel about your jokes. Like even if you don't know the person and they say "that offends me" or "that brings back bad memories" understand that maybe they don't share the same humor as you or don't make those jokes around people who you don't know well enough to be able to tell whether they will or not mind or even like your jokes.

nerd1, that is kind of true except you can't read the persons tone through the internet, so how are people meant to know? Also it may be a touchy subject cause the person may have been through the experience themselves and not find it something to joke about, you can never really be certain and some people might be either angry or upset because of it. Words can start wars after all.

dracomageat, I admit I've now spent over 6 years online and I've seen and heard some things that have made me sick to think of and get used to them over time (depending on the person), but that's half of the problem, like Higurashi said they are too overly used so its become more accepted and people are now becoming so emotionally distant that they no longer can really feel anything for most subjects.

flyingblind92, you think rape jokes are right, but whats your reason as to why they are right? In what context are they right in etc? You kind of only answered half of the question there.

[ZephyrPhantom]

Jokes have the power to make things more accepted in society. If we can laugh at something, it's immediately taken less serious as a whole in society.
The same goes doubly for common expressions, which this is an example of. When we incorporate something into everyday life, we stop taking note of it.

This is why expressions like these are a horrible idea, and they are a result of a society that's been overexposed to horrible events. We shift the responsibility to someone else because there are so many of us, and grow distant from some incredibly vital issues.

My thoughts exactly. Another problem is that once jokes like these become common, at some point they have a chance to spread to nearby groups and people from the first group if those people are around them enough. Although the first use in new groups may seem jarring, it just eventually becomes moot and the process repeats itself, unless you're going to actively argue how bad the jokes are.

On a personal level, I have no idea how someone can use these kinds of expressions without feeling disgusted with themselves. I realise they don't think about it because it's been accepted, but we can and should always retain our own ability to think and judge the morality of actions and words.

I wonder this too, but after a while I get the feeling that it's become so present to others that the orginal users (Who now have almost everyone using it or turning a blind eye) might as well feel void on the subject. The Internet is also full of things that help speed up that process of desensitizing, and people don't always retain their common sense on the internet for various reasons. Said lack of common sense can leak over into real life sometimes.

Overall, rape jokes are wrong. Sure we can't entirely prevent them from being used, but one less person using them is nicer.

[Essence]

Rape and other jokes like it are overly used and make the situation seem less horriible etc and just plain make us except it as "just part of the world".

I'd like to present exactly the opposite perspective. Making jokes is one of the major ways that humans have to psychologically process something that isn't (or shouldn't be) processable. Freud called humor the highest psychological defense mechanism (http://www.stressdoc.com/work_team.htm), and several dozen studies have noted that humor has a calming effect on the people who are exposed to it.

So, the paradox: rape is obviously a tender topic, so much so that people are psychologically adverse to merely thinking about it, much less discussing it.  Humor, then, is the defense mechanism that allows the mind to consider the topic at all. Only by telling rape jokes do most people (the ones who have no direct experience with it) have any ability to approach the subject at all.

Like rascism, I believe rape is a topic that is better out in the open then behind closed doors, and I speak from the perspective of someone who was very nearly raped himself.  By a girl.  I'd rather see rape jokes because it means people are at least aware of rape and thinking about it instead of expecting people to deal with it silently on their own.

Yes, it sucks that rape jokes are a trigger that can cause memories of a violent and painful event.  On the other hand, I've also had the everliving hell beaten out of me by a drunken Marine, and every time I smell hard liquor, I flinch -- but I certainly wouldn't ever consider asking my friends to not go to a bar because I wanted to hang out with them.  At some point, you have to ask yourself which is better in the long run for people at large...and I think, as disturbing as it is, rape jokes are probably it.

[Higurashi]

Yes, humour is a defence mechanism. In the case of horrible topics like rape, people use it to avoid dealing with their issues with it. Almost no one who has been subjected to it will joke about it; only those who can distance themselves from it. That is, again, where the problem lies. By using humour, you're not making the topic available at all. You're doing the contrary and removing it from consideration. That is the defence mechanism, and it's not useful or good for anyone.

When someone who has been subjected to it joke about it, it's usually because they can't handle it yet. That's where the defence mechanism works properly: it delays the moment where we have to confront it until we're ready for it (provided we make the decision to deal with it one day when we can).

We've come far enough in discussions on rape and similar topics that joking about it has no positive effect. The discussion reaches groups that are dedicated to it, but it will likely never reach casual social groups since it's an offensive topic. Just natural.

[Naesala]

As for your second comment higurashi, that is not necessarily true. I attempted suicide about a year ago and have cut myself, but I have joked about it a fair share. And I have dealt with the problem extensivly so it isnt just a defense mechanism.  Its just a matter of the person in question, some people are offended, some people are hurt, some people laugh, and some people dont care.

[Korugar]

If Naesala is right, it comes down to a pretty simple fact: do you care enough about those who it will hurt to avoid rape jokes/comments?