Potentially offensive, yet comical sayings

[Delreich]

Not at all offensive, but whatever:
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.

[Forfeit]

Throws me off too, but I agree with what he said.

Now, on to the fun:

You know, if I could bring you back to life, and we had this conversation over again... well, cats have nine lifes and this is the only time I've killed you, so there are a lot of options here.

P.S. I winged that one

[SnDance]

List anything you can think of that could be considered comical yet potentially offensive. By potentially offensive, if mean if people took it literally.

Example: She makes me want to punch babies. God forbid I ever meet her in a nursery.

If taken literally, people will fear for their childrens health. Taken figuratively, fricken awesome.

So thats one of mine.

Others:

If my internet dies again I swear I'm going to go slay kittens.
I will become rich and famous one day when I figure out a way to stab people over the internet.
This is one of those days that I just want to break both my legs and collect disabilty.

[SnDance]

nice

btw, don't blame me for this thread XD. It is the property of rampant, unchecked bordum.

Edit: now that I think about it, the frowing face throws me off. That your line, or you wish for my end? XD

[SnDance]

XDDD Delreich, that was awesome.

Lol to forfeit as well ^^

[Uncle Jellyfish]

It's people like you that make me appreciate murder.

[Essence]

It's much better as 'fruit flies like a banana'.  Then you have the complete ambiguity in action.

This one was a spotaneous uttering of one of my buddies back in high school:

"He's so <expletive deleted> annoying, I wouldn't piss down his throat if his lungs were on fire!"

[Forfeit]

Great way to offend people!

Now... Person One: Here's your test of faith, hold this cross still.
          Person Two: I love Jesus.
          .... 2 days later.
          Person Two, thinking: This s tiring (Cross shakes a little)
          :Enter Firing Squad.
         

[Forfeit]

Wow, lol.

Umm... Person 1: here's the hammer, here's a list of people I hate, have fun.
           Person 2: I have a different list, you're on it.
           ....
           Person 2: That was fun.

P.S. I wasn't going to post the joke, I just thought the one above this post was hilarious.

[SnDance]

Great flaming testicles of jesus, superman! What are you going to do now?!!?!?!?

That one pissed some people off because of the jesus reference XD