Jokes

[Evil Hamster]

I meant there's a joke in my previous post. Hidden in white font to protect the sensitive

[Evil Hamster]

Kind of tasteless. If you are sensitive don't read! (click and drag to read)


Farrah Fawcett dies and goes to heaven. God grants her one wish.

Farrah says, "Please take care of the children God, let them be safe from harm."

God kills Michael Jackson

[lomus]

Two cowboys, Bill and John ride there horses down the road.
They both bored.
Bill noticed big pile of cow s*** next to the road.
- Hey John! I bet $100 you could not eat this piece of s***.
John thinked for a moment, jumped of the horse and ate that s***.
Bill really confused, but gave John $100.

They continue their trip.

Now John noticed some cow s*** next to the road. And because he still remember how awful it tasted, he says:
- Bill, I bet $100 that you could not eat it!

Bill, on his hand, want's his $100 back, so he ate that s***.
John, smiling give him back $100.
-Well, now you fell this taste as well.

They continue their trip.

And, suddenly Bill says:

- John, it is just come to my mind that we ate some s*** for free...

(Sorry, if my translation is bad. Jokes is hard to translate.)

One stone says to another:
- Hello, excelent weather today.
The other reply:
-OMG!!! Talking STONE!!!!

[Uncle Jellyfish]

Great idea.

One day, there were three men walking through the woods on a hunting trip. It was a nice day, and they were enjoying themselves, but after a few hours they got themselves lost. After wandering for hours, the sun set and they were forced to set up camp for the night.

With only a rifle and some ammo, and little food, they decided to hunt for game. The first man said, "I'm going to go out and get myself a deer." So, he goes out, and a few hours later he comes back with a deer. The two other men asked, "How'd you do it?" to which the first man responded, "I found tracks, followed tracks, and got myself a deer."

Their luck not getting any better, they remained lost for another day. That night, the second man in the group said, "I'm going to go out and get myself a bear." So, he goes out, and a few hours later, he returns with a bear. The two other men asked, "Howd you do it?" to which the second man responded, "I found tracks, followed tracks, and got myself a bear."

On the third night, since their luck was not improving, the third man in the group declaired, "I'm going to go out and get whatever I can find," and then he leaves. A few hours later, the third man comes back all beaten up and covered in blood. The other two men exclaimed, "What happened?!" to which the third man said, "I found tracks, followed tracks, and got hit by a train."

=/

[wckz]

A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:

"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:

"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter:

"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"



I lawled so hard xD

http://www.ahajokes.com/pol11.html

[wckz]

Goal: Have some laughs

Rules:
1. Only post if you have a joke, if you have to respond to someone, include it with your joke.
2. No inappropriate or mean jokes, they can hurt

If you want, we can have a vote on who has the funniest jokes

[wckz]

LOL

A burglar, after robbing a house, got caught while attempting to flee the scene.

The man who got robbed asked the police if he could talk to the burglar.

The policeman said, "There's no need for it, we have everything under control."

The man said, "That's not it! I wanted to ask him how he got in without waking my wife, I've been trying to do that for ages!"

[wckz]

Q: What do fish hate?

A: Fry-day.

[wckz]

Q: What happens if you mix birds and elephants?

A: Alot of broken telephone cables.

[wckz]

Q: Why can't elephants smoke?

A: Because they can't fit their butts in the ash tray

[wckz]

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?


*Taken from http://www.ahajokes.com/pol01.html*

[wckz]

Time for a lame joke

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?

A: It was the chicken's day off.