A quick word.

[killsdazombies]

Hello all who are reading this. I have a few things that I would like to say in regards to how recently I have been both distracted and absent.

A lot of events have taken place, starting a solid two days after I attempted to take over as warmaster, and as I have let certain people down, I feel the need to address a few things. In short, you all deserve an explanation.

A very dear friend of mine (I'll refer to him as john) passed away shortly after I took warmaster. I would rather not go into the details about it, but I'm on a trip back from Cancun after spreading his ashes at the beach (as he requested in his Will) and to be honest, it still has registered for me. I still reach for the phone to call him and then it hits me. I don't really know why I'm getting personal at all, but I just can't seem to focus right now, maybe I'm just venting.

I hope that I can be better and do better, so I've made some decisions.

I need to give myself a schedule or I will either go insane, or just go ahead and leave.

Thus, here it is.
Today: Round posted, All round related things updated (Countdown, standings)
Tomorrow: Spoils, relics, start gdoc fixing.
The day after: Finish any and all Gdoc problems.

Now, I would like to close with a question.
How the hell do people stay sane in this world? I mean it, I've practically gone insane twice, one of which led to a mental breakdown, I really cannot fathom how this world functions on even a day to day basis.

I don't know if this even makes sense, I feel like I've just been rambling, but I hope it does.

[antiaverage]

We're here for you KDZ. Thank you for sharing, and know that we care about you. If you ever want to talk personally about this, I have also recently lost a friend and am open to talking about it. I'm happy you're finding your own way to cope. It's not easy, stay strong.

[eljoemo]

Running War by yourself is already a huge challenge. Add onto that the problems in your life and no-one can expect you to do everything. No-one can expect you to do everything and no-one has the right to tell you that you're not working hard enough. We're all human here (or at least most of us). We all have problems. We all make mistakes. We all have to let of some steam every once in a while. I'm sure if you asked some people here to help out with your duties they'd do it straight away. No-one can truly know how you feel about your friend, so no-one has the right to judge you about anything.

[xyan]

One of my closest friends, who I had never gotten to meet in real life (I had just found out he lived near some family members of mine and I had planned to visit next time I visited them), passed away a few years ago due to heart attack at age 15.

After so many events over just some years online to make us such close friends and feeling like a big brother to him, I lost it for nearly a week. I had been without internet for a few months at school because the school was doing a poor job of keeping tech working, and he was waiting for me to get back online so we could finally play a new game together (he had caught up to where I was, as I had left him without my net in progress of helping him catch up) which was WoW. Raiding with him and other friends would have been glorious times. When I got back, it was already a week too late.

When I finally pulled around, I dedicated all my future gaming efforts to him; however, I had trouble sticking to WoW with him gone and issues with someone there that came along with being with other friends. While being off and on, I had achieved enough for two people until I decided I had enough (quitting a while after becoming a country top 100 in my class). I have since moved on, and split my time to 2-3 games at a time with more worthwhile quality to them, mainly with just 1 that requires much time and effort.

Davey will never be forgotten. I hope you will find peace again and your friend will be remembered and honored well.

[ddevans96]

I'm truly sorry to hear this, kills. I know from experience how hard losing a close friend is. My thoughts are with you and anyone else who's been affected by your friend's passing. Keep him in your heart, and he'll make you a stronger person.

[Submachine]

How the hell do people stay sane in this world? I mean it, I've practically gone insane twice, one of which led to a mental breakdown, I really cannot fathom how this world functions on even a day to day basis.

I don't know if this even makes sense, I feel like I've just been rambling, but I hope it does.

That's a good question for me, as I lost all my hope to remain sane anymore. My problem is different, but you made a very good point here that I also wanted to share oneday, but now is the time that feels right to post it. Though I won't pressure this thread more so I'll just make a new thread.

About your friend, I understand that you are less focused so you don't have to feel worse just because of this war (that is becoming dead anyway with the new autoloss bug). I, and I think everyone other too appreciates that you shared this with us, it's much better than saying nothing.

[TribalTrouble]

May I recommend you get a counselor of some kind to keep yourself from going insane? I know it has kept many people from 'going insane' in the past, and helped them on their way to recovery. I wish you luck in your adventures through life, and find good in a world that looks so meek and grim.

Also, doing some community service to help others may help yourself as well. It certainly cheers me up when I am feeling down.

[Jyiber]

I had this friend in highschool who liked it when I went jogging with him. He was staying in shape for Cross Country. At 17 years old he dropped dead of a heart attack in a park miles away from help. I hadn't had CPR training or anything that could have helped. He died right there.

Everyone knows that people die and one day you will too, but when it's put in perspective it's usually something you're not prepared for.

As for sanity? What the hell is that? One day I just decided crazy looked good on me, and now it's my favorite color. As it turns out though... if the only thing you wear out on a nice day is your crazy, the cops will arrest you for exposing yourself in public.

I don't know about you, but sometimes the problem is that you're understanding of life and how the world works is always evolving and you're still wanting things to be like they used to be. When the two realities compete for realestate is when most people snap.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days when I had no responsibility or worries when I was a kid...

[Higurashi]

Sane? You need a goal. A goal that means everything to you. For many of us, it has to be a goal that's bigger than ourselves. Much bigger. The only way to stay sane is to have focus. If you have focus and willpower, you won't be led astray. You'll be tempted, but you won't give up the path because it's the most important thing in the world. You might falter at times, but strength is not to never fall; it's to get back up no matter what.

I have two goals. The greater of the two is the well-being of the one I love. It's not just because of what she's done for me or because her happiness makes me happy, but because of what she is. What she is needs to be maintained for the sake of the world and my own view of it.

The lesser goal is to find the limit of my own potential, if there is one. I used to have no motivation for anything in life because nothing presented a big enough challenge to interest me. So now I challenge myself to the limit. In it I've find a kind of happiness and calmness, despite everything I've lost, that I needed.