Pella is... (WARNING: Bad Language!)

[Higurashi]

Aye, been there. I've also had everything torn away from me. You know what's funny though? After climbing back up and achieving safety for my family and a better life than we had before that happened, I left it all behind by choice. I did that because I had a shot at something meaningful. Turns out I had already ruined that chance.

And yet here I stand in a new country with very little to my name, and it turns out a new start was what I needed to find purpose.

Life takes away and gives. It's our problem that we attribute a lot to things, but one truth remains no matter what's taken or given: we always retain the power to care once again. In other words, as long as there's life, there's hope. You can't imagine something else ever mattering again, but with time everything can change.

Except your core. You'll always have that and with it the power to both create dreams and pursue them.

[dawn to dusk]

if being appreciated is something you like or desire

Yeah, well, it used to be.  Last week, my desire for appreciation ended up destroying the ONLY opportunity I will ever have to achieve any of the foolish dreams I had as a child.  Most people never get to achieve those dreams.  Of those remaining, most never get an opportunity.  Of those remaining--oh wait, I'm in that group now.  Those of us remaining get to live out our lives devoid of meaning or purpose.  On occasion, we are reminded of what might have been--moments that make us wish we had never been born.

So that's what I'm down to now.  A meaningless, purposeless existence, that occasionally makes me feel as though meaninglessness and purposelessness are somehow too high a goal for which to strive.

Childhood dreams never turn out how you expect them to, they will always be worse. Say a person wanted to be a racecar driver. He fantasizes about how happy he would be if he won and how many people would adore him and he eventually gets to become one. On his first race, he has a near death accident and is put in hospital for months. He is scared out of racing and driving altogether and never follows any dreams he ever has again.

This is completely fiction and any similarities are purely coincidental, but it is very possible. Don't feel discouraged that you can't follow your dreams and instead, get out there and do what your present self wants to become! Though I may be one of the youngest people on the forums (I'm 14 and haven't seen anyone younger), it doesn't mean what I am saying is wrong. Childhood dreams may turn out to be adulthood nightmares.

Work your way out of depression no matter how small the steps. As long as you are trying, there is always hope. And most of all, don't give up.

[ZephyrPhantom]

Turn up the music if they try to turn us down~
It's not about what you've done, it's about what you're doin'~

I had a similar - actually, multiple incidents where I've had my life knocked to pieces, and building on that all my 'new starts' have been ruined by traces of the past coming back to haunt me in unexpected ways, be it outside influences or my own habits. Even despite all that, there's no reason for me to give up and not fight to improve myself.
 
You're only without purpose if you think you are.  Let's make 'it' happen. What you want 'it' to be is up to you.

(Appreciation has great value if it's meaningful. Do you believe this forum's appreciation has weight?)

[Pella]

dawn to dusk, you really have no idea what you're talking about.  That's not a slam; it's just a fact.
Nothing happened *to* me.  *I* killed my dream.  Not on purpose, but still.  It was a good dream, but as I said, it was a foolish child's dream.  I now realize that all the fanciful things I thought about doing when I was a child are just that--dreams for a child.  I'm an adult, and I need to act like one.  I need to put aside all the stupid shit that I thought about doing when I was 12 and 14, and do things that an adult does.  Adults DO NOT chase after stupid shit.  They do adult shit like get real jobs and take care of their husbands.  That's what I need to do, and that's what I'm going to do, starting Monday.

[BeefSupreme]

dawn to dusk, you really have no idea what you're talking about.  That's not a slam; it's just a fact.
Nothing happened *to* me.  *I* killed my dream.  Not on purpose, but still.  It was a good dream, but as I said, it was a foolish child's dream.  I now realize that all the fanciful things I thought about doing when I was a child are just that--dreams for a child.  I'm an adult, and I need to act like one.  I need to put aside all the stupid shit that I thought about doing when I was 12 and 14, and do things that an adult does.  Adults DO NOT chase after stupid shit.  They do adult shit like get real jobs and take care of their husbands.  That's what I need to do, and that's what I'm going to do, starting Monday.

Spoiler for Hidden:

Spoiler for Hidden:

Now don't tell me there aren't adults that do stupid shit and live normal lives.
You can live your life and have a real job and manage a family while still having dreams and aspirations. You just can't exert -all- your energy on your dreams, rather pursue them on the side.
We all love you, Pella <3

[Pella]

Beef, if you ever even think about Will Ferrell in my direction again, you will lose a friend.  I'm so serious.  There is nothing I like about that man.

[BeefSupreme]

Beef, if you ever even think about Will Ferrell in my direction again, you will lose a friend.  I'm so serious.  There is nothing I like about that man.

...what is there to not like about Will Ferrell? I think this may be the underlying cause to all this depression.

[Pella]

Oh, for crying out loud!  Ferrell's so-called "humour" it's nothing but stupidity.  I enjoy comedy; I don't do stupid.  Ferrell doesn't do anything in public that isn't stupid.

So the answer to, "What's not to like?" is: EVERYTHING!!!

Seriously, end all discussion about that NOW.

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