Hi, I'm Essence. You probably know me from posts like the one you're reading right now. You may know that I'm an old man, that I have a kid and a job and that I grind AI3 like nobody's business. Also, oracle fortunes and Jezebel.
What you might not know is that I'm also a damn good cook. So, on a whim, I decided to share some of my cooking knowledge with all of you.
What I'mma do is come here every week or so until I forget to do it, and I'mma post a new recipe that my wife and son agree is badass. I'll try to keep them relatively straightforward, no fancy equipment or scary ingredients.
This week, I'm doing Orange Chicken. All you need is a wok and a bunch of little bowls. Oh, and the ingredients, of course.
Part 1: The Sauce
2 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp chicken stock
5 tbsp white sugar (preferably evaporated cane juice, or if you're really picky like me, palm sugar)
5 tbsp rice vinegar (white vinegar if you don't have rice vinegar lying around all casual-like)
1 orange, zest and juice
Mix that stuff together in a pot. Boil it. Let it cool.
Meanwhile, in a little bowl, mix togther:
1 tbsp cold-ass water
1 tbsp corn starch
Sit on it.
Part 2: The Chicken
2 chicken breasts or 4 chicken thighs, chopped.
1 tbsp mirin (or white wine or vermouth or, in a pinch, 1/2 tsp vinegar)
1 tbsp corn starch
1 tsp salt.
Mix all that together in a bowl and then top with:
2 tbsp oil (Sesame is best, peanut is 2nd best, but anything that's not strongly flavored (no olive oil) will do.)
Mix again.
Part 3: The Spices
1 tbsp coconut oil (or sesame, or peanut, or anything else, as above.)
1 tsp sesame oil (or peanut or anything else, as above.)
1 inch ginger, minced
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper
1/4 cup onions (preferably green), chopped
1 tbsp mirin (or white wine, vermouth, or vinegar, as above.)
Mix all that in a little bowl.
Part 4: The Veggies
Whatever you've got lying around, really. Carrots, celery, onions, and red peppers are the classic, but broccoli and just about anything else works here too.
You want about 3-4 cups by the time you're done chopping.
Part 5: The Cooking
Turn your sauce pot back on. Once it's boiling, re-stir the cornstarch slurry and then stir it into the sauce, mixing hard until thickens and starts to bubble. Take it off the heat.
Turn your wok on and throw a drop of oil in. Once the oil starts to smoke, add your spices and stir once.
Then add the chicken. Stir it constantly until it's white on all sides of all chunks.
Dump all that crap into a big bowl.
Add some more oil. Stir-fry your veggies of choice until they're soft enough to not crunch, but no softer than that.
Add the chicken-and-spices back in.
Mix.
Put the resultant mess onto a bunch of plates.
Pour the sauce over the top.
Bam. Primo Chinese-style orange chicken for 2-4 people (2 if you're like me, 4 if you're a little dude like Artimies7.)
Enjoy.
OK, today's recipe is an Italian classic (my wife is Italian, so this is her creation). In our house we call it Antipasto, but any REAL Italian would probably look at you funny if you did that. A more proper name would be Zuppa di Salsiccia, or maybe Salsiccia Stufato. Someone from Italy will have to tell me.
For this recipe, you need a stock pot. That's it.
Part 1: The Meat
Take 2 lbs. Italian sausage (links or ground, your choice). If it's ground, just toss it in the pot and brown it right there. If it's links, add the chicken broth (below), boil them for 8-10 min. in the chicken broth, and then remove them, slice them, and toss them right back in (along with any grease you have on your cutting board from slicing them.)
Part 2: The Veggies
While the meat is browning and/or boiling, chop into bite-sized pieces:
1 orange pepper
1 green pepper
1 yellow pepper
2 medium-sized zucchini
Also, mince the hell out of:
1 white or yellow onion.
Part 3: The Broth
Once the meat is done, add to the pot:
4 cups chicken broth or stock. (If you made links, this will already be in here. Don't forget to re-add the juice from the link cutting!)
1 large can (about 2 cups) petite cut diced tomatoes. (It's important to use canned -- fresh-chopped tomatoes don't work.)
1 small can (about 1/2 cup) tomato paste.
ALTERNATELY:
3 cups chicken broth
2 large can petite cut diced tomatoes
2 cups V-8 or other tomato-based multi-vegtable juice drink.
Mix thoroughly, bring to a boil, and add veggies.
Part 4: The Spices
As it comes to a boil, sprinkle in:
1 tbsp. dried sweet basil leaves (Italian, not Thai)
1 tbsp. Italian Seasoning (or, if you prefer, 1 tsp. each Oregano, Rosemary, and more Basil)
1 tbsp. crushed red peppers
1 tbsp. granulated onion (onion powder if you must)
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. ground black pepper
Part 6: Finishing Up
Let it come to a boil. Stir it. This should cause it to stop boiling the first few times you do it. On the third or maybe sixth time, it will keep boiling even though you're stirring. That's when you know it's ready to serve.
Take it off the heat (or the veggies will overcook between your first and second bowls). Serve like soup. Serves about 4 of me, or about 8 jmizzle-sized people.
Enjoy!
OK, I'm kind of throwing this one in out-of-order as a 'bonus' recipe. It's ridiculously simple.
Mix in a BIG-ass bowl:
1 cup cream cheese (8. oz box)
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup maple syrup (the actual kind, not crap corn syrup with maple flavoring)
1 tbsp. cinnamon
1 tsp cardamom
1 tsp nutmeg
Then add:
4 lbs. chopped peaches. (Fresh, not canned. Make sure they're not too firm, but not hand-squishable.)
Mix until thoroughly coated.
Spread into a big flat container of some sort.
Top with:
Crushed dry-roasted pecans
Brown sugar
(OR use candied pralines instead)
Serve.
I used to make this for my Japanese class in college, which means this recipe is about a decade old. Because there are a few parts to it, it's a bit more complex than my previous few recipes, but each of the parts can be made individually without a lot of hassle.
Part 1: Tempura Shrimp
First mix in a bowl:
1/2 cup sake (vermouth, dry white wine in a pinch)
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 lb. Shrimp (peeled and deveined)
Let sit while you mix in a much larger bowl:
Tempura Batter1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup ice water (no actual ice, just ice-cold water)
1/4 cup glutenous rice flour (cornstarch will work in a pinch)
1 egg yolk
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon white sugar
1 teaspoon palm oil (any kind of shortening will work in a pinch)
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
Get a deep fryer (or a pot) filled with 2 quarts frying oil -- palm oil or coconut oil are healthiest, vegetable oil as a last resort.
The big trick to deep frying in a pot is that you NEED a thermometer -- a candy thermometer is best. Don't let the oil get over about 375 degrees, tops -- if it gets to 350, turn the stove down until it drops to 340, then turn it up slowly until it settles between 350 and 375. If your oil reaches its smoking point, you'll ruin the flavor of the food.
Take the shrimp out of the sake, dip them in the batter, and put them, 6-at-a-time into the oil. Deep fry each for about 2 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon and place on paper towels to cool. Repeat until all of the shrimp are done.
Serve with:
Katsu Sauce1 cup ketchup
4 teaspoons dry mustard powder
1 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder
1 1/2 teaspoons ground black pepper
3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
Part 2: Japanese Style Fried Rice
First, cook 2 cups
long-grain rice (Sushi rice won't work right), and spread on a cookie sheet to cool.
Then, dice 1/2 lb. ham.
Mince 3 cloves garlic and 1 inch ginger.
Dice 3 carrots, 2 stalks celery, 1/2 yellow onion, and a small wedge of green cabbage.
Stir-fry the veggies in a hot wok.
Using a wok is simple if you do it right. First, put oil in the wok, and turn it on high until the oil starts to smoke. As it starts to smoke, add your garlic and ginger. Stir once, then, if you're going to add meat, add your meat AND DON'T STIR IT! Let the meat sit for about 1 minute before you stir it at all, but once you start stirring, don't stop until all the meat is browned. THen remove the meat and add more oil, and wait for it to barely smoke again. If you're not using meat, skip to this part: add your veggies, and stir immediately and constantly until they're done.
After 2 minutes, push the veggies off to the side and add the cold rice and the ham. Stir-fry again for 2 more minutes.
Add 2 tbsp. soy sauce, and if you want it spicy, 1 tbsp. sambal (crushed red peppers will do in a pinch.) Stirfry 2 more minutes.
Then, push everything to the sides and crack 2 eggs into the middle. Stir immediately and fast to basically shred-scramble the egg, then fold everything together and serve.
Part 3: Yakisoba
Start by mixing all of this stuff together in a bowl:
1/2 teaspoon sesame oil
1 tablespoon peanut oil (or coconut oil, or vegetable oil if you have nothing else.)
2 tablespoons sambal OR 1 tablespoon crushed red peppers + 2 cloves garlic, smashed flat and then minced.
1/2 cup soy sauce
The NoodlesMaking yakisoba noodles by hand is crazy hard even if you have a pasta roller, so don't even try. Go to an Oriental food store and buy a package of Chuka Soba or Yakisoba noodles (dried).
Slice into long shreds: 1 white onion, 1/2 head green cabbage, and 2 carrots. If you have a mandolin, the carrots can be shredded, too -- if not, just quarter and thin-slice them.
Boil water. Cook noodles in boiling water for 4 minutes or until just barely tender enough to bite through without crunching. Strain water, rinse until it's no longer cooking itself as it sits there.
Cut 2 whole chicken breasts (that is, 4 total chicken breast halves) into cubes. Stir-fry them along with 2 cloves garlic and 1 inch ginger (as above) in 2 tbsp. sesame oil (or peanut oil, or palm oil, or coconut oil, or vegetable/canola oil, in order of best flavor).
Remove meat, add veggies, stir-fry more. Re-add meat, add noodles, stir-fry for 4 more minutes. Add sauce, stir twice, and serve!
Here's a great recipe for which you need access to one unique ingredient: it is fundamentally necessary that you get uncured applewood smoked bacon. I get it from Trader Joe's for $2.99/lb, which is ideal.
PART I: Prep
Slice 5 fist-sized red potatoes into thin slices.
Chop the applewood smoked bacon into tiny bits (this is why I buy Ends and Pieces instead of strips -- it's cheaper, and I'm gonna hack it up anyway.)
PART 2: THE PANNINING
Put the bacon choppings into a wide, deep saucepan over medium-high heat. Stir every few minutes as you do the other stuff.
Put the potatoes into a soup pot filled just over the potato line with water. Put it over high heat.
PART C: MOAR PREP
Cube 6 chicken thighs (boneless/skinless, uncooked).
Cut the corn off of 3 cobs of corn. This is vital; canned and frozen corn just don't have the right flavor.
Mince 4 ribs of celery (organic tastes best) and 1 sweet onion together.
PART THE FORTH: START COOKING FER REALZ
Take the bacon out of the pan (once it's nicely browned), but KEEP THE GREASE. Set the bacon aside on paper towels.
Put the celery-onion mix into the pan with the grease. Turn the heat down to medium, stir for about 30 seconds until all of the mincey bits are well-coated in bacon grease. Sautee that for 5 minutes or so. Add the corn. Sautee for another 5 minutes or so.
When you notice that the potatoes are starting to fall apart, use the lid to hold the potatoes in place and drain the rest of the water off of them. They should be fork-stirrable at this point.
Add the chicken to the veggie pan. Sprinkle liberally with salt, pepper, and vermouth if you're into it.
PART FIVE: Finishing Touches
Once the chicken is done, add the bacon bits back into the mix. Stir. Then, add the potatoes. Stir.
You should have a pasty mess. Add half-and-half until it looks like clam chowder. Serve, eat, and enjoy!
Other Ppl's ContributionsQwandri’s Banana Bread
Makes 16-18 muffins or one loaf
Pre-heat oven to 350
½ cup oil
1 cup sugar
Two eggs, beaten
3 ripe to overripe mashed bananas
2 cups of flour
1 tsp. baking soda
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
3 tbsp. milk
Almost any amount of vanilla, but at the VERY LEAST one tablespoon. (Trust me on this.)
1 bag chocolate chips, any kind (optional)
Beat oil and sugar together, then add eggs and banana pulp. Beat well, then add the dry ingredients, then mix (don’t worry about overmixing. I haven’t really tested it, but I think that might be the secret. Along with the vanilla, of course.) Add the milk and the vanilla extract, along with the chips if you’re using them, then mix again, and pour into the (greased and floured) loaf pans or muffin tins, and bake.
This doubles really, really well.
Got questions, ask 'em. Got requests, make 'em. Got compliments, give 'em. Anything else, PM SG, she'll help you.
