Petrichor: Thoughts, Suggestions, Critiques, and Concerns

[Drake_XIV]

Petrichor

As the story progresses, I would like to see a little feedback so that I can hopefully improve it as it moves along.  Even if it doesn't fit your tastes, I would like your honest opinion on it.

Just a little on what I hope to accomplish thus far.

Petrichor is a slice of life work that focuses on the decay of memories over time.  As is inside of my comfort zone, it will continue to be set in a Japanese high school setting, for anyone who's had the misfortune of coming across my past writings.

Oh, and search Petrichor.  I'm sure an obvious theme will come around when you search it.

[Drake_XIV]

Chapter 01 added.

Trying to just see how it fares in my standard NaNoWriMo writing style.

[Rutarete]

A few grammar mistakes to fix:

First sentence - such A mood. Add the a.
With deft hand --> with A deft hand
Players dedication - missing apostrophe

Struck with rhythmic precision - since when does rain have rhythmic precision?

Looks overall pretty good so far. Will be waiting for chapter two.

[Drake_XIV]

Modified story accordingly.

[Oyek]

A few grammar mistakes to fix:

First sentence - such A mood. Add the a.
With deft hand --> with A deft hand
Players dedication - missing apostrophe

Struck with rhythmic precision - since when does rain have rhythmic precision?

Looks overall pretty good so far. Will be waiting for chapter two.

Actually, I thought "rhytmic precision" was quite brilliant. Not the idea of it being "rhytmic", but more on how Kagami described it as "strange", projecting more of his inner emotions regarding Mondays (or rather, the school in general) through the setting. The rain drops hitting the windows actually mirrors his feelings of being out of place.

As for deft hand, I'd recommend it remains the same, unless the circumstances require that Sena use both hands whenever topspin-driving the ball.

I'm not sure how the story will proceed though given this tone of writing...

[Drake_XIV]

Chapter 02 added.

I don't feel as if I conveyed what I wanted to as effectively as I'd have liked with this chapter...  It may be too crude and straightforward...

[Rutarete]

Chapter two - not sure if it's just me or your style, but your description feels like it's just beating around the bush a lot.

[Drake_XIV]

Chapter two - not sure if it's just me or your style, but your description feels like it's just beating around the bush a lot.

Example?

[Rutarete]

Chapter two - not sure if it's just me or your style, but your description feels like it's just beating around the bush a lot.

Example?

Mainly in the first half

[Drake_XIV]

Chapter two - not sure if it's just me or your style, but your description feels like it's just beating around the bush a lot.

Example?

Mainly in the first half

But what do you mean by 'beating around the bush'?

[Rutarete]

Chapter two - not sure if it's just me or your style, but your description feels like it's just beating around the bush a lot.

Example?

Mainly in the first half

But what do you mean by 'beating around the bush'?

Put simply, too wordy.

[Drake_XIV]

Chapter two - not sure if it's just me or your style, but your description feels like it's just beating around the bush a lot.

Example?

Mainly in the first half

But what do you mean by 'beating around the bush'?

Put simply, too wordy.

Oh, then that's just my style.  Even more so since I'm attempting to emulate my writing sense during NaNo so I can flesh out any issues for when it does roll by again.