What would False God do? (WWFGD)

[Jangoo]

In the thread discussing the supposed gender of the various false gods
I came up with a couple model situations, that show how certain false gods would handle everyday human situations.

This thread is intended to collect dialogues, short-stories, poems etc.
that feature false gods in the midst of the daily human existence.

So bring it on: What would FG do?

---

Paradox in a fight with her husband:

Paradox (plays Deja-Vu):
"Don't you think that xyz?"
Husband (Q-Towers):
"Hmm ... I dont know really."
Paradox (plays RoLs, copies Dejavu):
"I sometimes get the feeling that xyz."
Husband (smiling at puny 5 dmg/turn):
"Sure, whatever you say."
Paradox (supports argument: play dejavu + bless):
"xyz can cause abc, Hermes said so."
Husband(threatens a counter by playing Oty):
"Ah cum on, Hermes is a dick."
Paradox (TUs blessed dejavu, thus increasing nag pressure):
"Ah yeah? So Hermes is a dick eh? That doesn't mean that xyz couldn't be the problem here!"
Husband (quints Oty, eats small Dejavu):
"I dont want to talk about xyz right now. Why do you keep bloating this?"
Paradox (blesses 5/5 deja-vu up to 8/8):
"because XYZ ... XYZ!"
Husband(plays phase shield):
"Jeez ... I am trying to watch the game here. We can talk about this later."
Paradox (more small deja-vus and RoLs, player doesnt really notice behind his phase shield):
"x ... z ... y .... xyz. Are you even listening?"
Husband (waiting for bonewall and RoF, plays unquinted FQ):
"ahem ... hm ... yes, I hear you. But opp is more important I think."
Paradox (TUs FQ three times):
"Sure opp is important but opp is definately a part of xyz."
Husband (internally laughing at uselessness of FQs for Paradox, throws out firefly and druid):
"You cant use opp against me now! I said opp ... here is what opp will be about if you keep nagging!"
Paradox (more deja-vus, PU firefly twice):
"I dont give a damn about opp. This is about XYZ! And by the way: opp, opp!"
Husband(Bonewall + RoF, Oty starts finishing the rest):
"This stupid discussion is entirely over! I dont want to hear anymore of this xyz-crap!"
Paradox:
 *weeping

---

Elidnis at work:

Boss(distracted): Elidnis, I need you to run a hundred copies of this file and send them over to the archives.
Elidnis(smiling): Yes Boss, right on it. Can I get you anything else?
Boss: Yeah sure, a cup of coffee please.
[Elidnis wanders off to get the coffee. On her way back to the bosses office she swings by her desk and slips a small dose of poison into the coffee, just enough to make him feel very dizzy and call in sick the next couple days.]
Elidnis(smiling at the Boss seductively): Here you go.
Boss(a bit confused by her smile): Thanks darling.
 

[Kamietsu]

....I have a really really really horrible one.... Should I type it? It's really bad. Not like really really bad. Maybe I will save it for later >.>

Here's a different one instead:

My Friend Scorpio:

Me: Hey Scorpio!
Scorpio: What's that over there! *points at something behind me*
Me: *turns around really fast, looking for what he pointed out* What?!
Scorpio: *Jabs me in the back with a needle full of a toxic liquid*
Me: Ouch! *turns around* What was that?!
Scorpio: Oh shoot! Look out! *points behind me again*
Me: Ack! *turns around in fear of my life*
Scorpio: *Jabs me with another needle full of a toxic liquid*
Me: *Turns around and punches Scorpio* Stop that, now!
Scorpio: *On the ground laughing like a maniac*
Me: *Passes out due to poison*

[Jangoo]

Lol, good one Kami. 

[Silkenfist]

Poor Scorpio... why do you always think the worst of him. Why should our weakly immune system be his fault?


© Nicholas Gurewitch

[Kamietsu]

I'm going to post my horrible one anyway.....don't hate me XD

Seism In Haiti.....

[Bloodshadow]

I'm going to post my horrible one anyway.....don't hate me XD

Seism In Haiti.....

Whoa... I almost feel like giving you +karma for pointing out something so obvious...

[Jangoo]

Gemini at his work in marketing:

Boss:
Ok, people. Now what do we have on this? Yes, Laurence?

Laurence:
Now I have been thinking about how to improve the market impact since the customer was asking for a campaign, that would appeal to a wide variety of target groups. I finally came up with the idea that the product should definately be marketed multi-sited.

Boss:
Ok, looking pretty good. Yes, Gemini?

Gemini:
My idea was, that we definately have to see how we can reach the different target groups the customer was asking for. If we were to install a campaign that takes a multi-sited approach our chances would be pretty good to reach that goal and really make an impact on the market.

Boss:
Even better, I see where you are headed there.

Laurence:
Erm, Gemini, isn't that exactly what I just said? You know, I have been working on this for a while now ...

Gemini: (pretends not to hear him by looking busy with his portfolio)

Boss:
Laurence, why dont we keep moving here? How would you go about achieving that goal anyways?

Laurence: (a bit baffled)
Erm ... ok. Well for one, I was thinking recreational spaces would be the best bet to reach out to the young consumer, some kind of performance marketing. As for the older customer, I believe in-house marketing would work best along with some classic ads in the respective magazines ...

Gemini: (joining in)
I dont really know what you expect to be the outcome of this Laurence I mean ... For my strategy, we would need a joint-approach by which I mean we should put out glossy ads in some of the more reputable magazines, we should engage in the telephone sector, I mean really bringing the product to them here. Moreover, the product must be associated with freedom and fun, so distributing it in out-door recreational spaces would be a very good idea I think. With such a strategy, we can reach out to the younger- as well as the older target-group, just like the customer wanted it.

Boss:
Awesome work Gemini! Kay people, Gemini here will be leading this project for the next couple weeks. Meeting adjourned ... Laurence, can I talk to you for a moment? Listen, recently I dont really see your motivation anymore ...

[Kamietsu]

Divine Glory during a normal day:

Duelist: Ok, So I play these three towers which give me enough quanta to bring out my Ash Eater. *ends turn with smug look*

DG: *Says nothing but plays a full hand of 8 towers.*

Duelist: Ha! I totally got this one. *Plays another tower and ends turn confidently*

DG: *Brings out a morning glory and stabs Duelist*

Duelist: ....no cool.

DG: *Stabs Duelist with a second morning glory*

Duelist: Ok, no seriously-

DG: *Third times the charm*

Duelist: Wait, I didn't even get my turn!

DG: *Out comes lucky number four and watched Duelist fall down with 4 swords sticking out of his lifeless torso*

I would continue but it turns out Divine Glory is into necrophilia.

[Jangoo]

Poor Scorpio... why do you always think the worst of him. Why should our weakly immune system be his fault?

Lol Silken. I love it how the cuddly lil fellas just ignore the fact that the racoon-thing is lying in the grass stone cold dead.

Or is there a sequel to this?

[Rossendale]

I got a whole show. It's called: Fake Enders! in this episode starring:

Miracle

Miracle's Son: Mirox (a lvl 3 that uses more or less the same deck)

Ferox (Miracle's wife. I got him because he uses healing a lot too)

Here we go:

Miracle and her son are battling. Miracle is just pwning some noob and her son (Mirox) is getting kicked by a shrieker rush. Miracle comes back home, soon after Mirox, crying.

Miracle: Ooh, what's happened sweetheart?

Mirox: <sobbing> I just got beated up by someone...

Miracle: Ooh, don't worry, come here. <spreads her arms out>

Mirox runs into Miracle's arms. They hug each other. Suddenly, Mirox blasts out:

Mirox: Mum, when will I get upgraded cards? <puts knocked dog face on>

Miracle: <dunbstruck> Yyy... Upgraded cards you say?

Mirox: Yeah, so I can pwn everyone!

Miracle: <lost for words> Oh Mirox, sorry, but it will be only next year.

Mirox: Next year??? Oh mum!!!!!!!!!!! <pushes out of Miracle's hug and runs upstairs to his room crying>

Miracle: Mirox, wait!

<Ferox comes home>

Ferox: <putting suitcase on floor> Hi honey, me and Rainbow just beated up the same noob! <looks at Miracle's stern face> honey, what's happened?

Miracle: Mirox is upstairs in his room crying because he was beated up but YOU are always too busy pwning people with Rainbow! You spend more time with Rainbow now days! I can't remember when last time we went together to pwn someone!


Ferox: <thunderstruck> But, but, how was I supp... <he doesn't finish his sentence as Miracle slaps him on the cheek and goes in the kitchen>.

Hour later, Ferox pops his head in the kitchen

Ferox: Honeyyyyy...

Miracle: What do you want?!

Ferox: I'm sorry for what happened today. If you want, now we can go and settle this Mirox thing and then on Saturday we can go and pwn people together.

Miracle: Yes, sorry, I was really tired and Mirox and that stuff. Sorry. Let's go to Mirox now.

Miracle and Ferox go to Mirox's room.

Mirox: Get lost! You don't love me!

Ferox: Hey hey hey, matey. Don't worry, you know that you will get the upgraded cards next year!

Mirox: Yeah, but I keep getting beated up and it's rubbish being an AI3.

Miracle: BTW, what deck did you lose against?

Mirox: <sobbing when Miracle triggered his latest defeat> Ssshrieeker rrrrushhh... he hhhad tttweeenttty-ooonnnne hhhp llleft.

Miracle and Ferox exchange glances and start laughing.

Mirox: <getting a better mood> Why are you laughing? <cheering up> Hey, why are you laughing??

Ferox: <laughing> Because everyone knows that it is rare that AI3 like you beat a shrieker rush!

Mirox <wide-eyed> Really??

Miracle: I can tell you stories about your farther as an AI3 that will make you explode, my son!

Ferox: Okay, now that everything is sorted, <turning to Miracle>, honey, would you please like to make supper whilst Mirox can accompany me and Rainbow on our people pwning!

Miracle: Oh yes, i'm also quite happy to JOIN you as soon as i'm finished cooking. <glances at Mirox> so how about that Mirox?

Mirox: <cheered up as ever> Uncle Rainbow!! Ucle Rainbow and Daddy Ferox and Mummy Miracle FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAY!!!!!!

The End

[xdude]

this is funny as hell, just that in the beginning Ross said Ferox is Miracle's WIFE

[Rossendale]

Lol thx. I just thought that if Miracle and Ferox both use a hell load of healing, they would make a good couple :p