Every one of us has been raised to believe in The Oracle. We can hardly go to bed at night, visions of gifts dancing through our heads as we imagine The Oracle visiting us in the morning. But let's look at the facts scientifically...
- Thousands and thousands of players consult The Oracle every day. There are only 1,440 minutes in the day; if even 2,000 players consult him, that gives him less than one minute per consultation, which includes all the preparation he has to do beforehand. And that's assuming he never sleeps!
- Even more troubling, he takes consultations from players all over the world. How does he get around so fast? Is he travelling around at supersonic speed?
- Where does he keep all his pets, and where does he get them from? There's only so many rustlers, gnome riders, chrysaora, and Schrodinger's cats you can buy from the pet shop before people start raising eyebrows...
- And let's talk about his diet. Yes, we've all heard the jovial songs about The Oracle eating mountains of food to support his jolly belly, but face it, the man should've died of coronary arrest decades ago.
THE TRUTH......
Your parents lied to you. There is no Oracle. The man you see is a temp worker wearing an Oracle costume. He's paid by the mall so your parents will spend money in the shops when they take you to visit him.
"But what about all those gifts he gave me???"
Those gifts were given to you by... your parents. It was all part of an elaborate ruse to keep you believing in The Oracle.
Not that you can blame them. Admit it, every one of you would have immolated the living room carpet, pandemonium'd the bathroom, catapulted the dog, and generally caused one giant butterfly effect-- except your parents pacified you with tales of Good Little Boys and Girls rewarded with nymphs in their stockings. You've been bribed for your good behavior.
It's time to face up to the truth. The Oracle is nothing but a childhood myth!
