Jokes (Keep Them Clean)

[Appawesome]

What did the donut say to the other donut?
I wish I had more dough so I wouldn't have to hang around this hole.

[Dragoon1140]

Why is a pirate called a pirate?

Because they arrrrrrrre!

[Glitch]

Two jews walk into a bar.

The walk out with a law degree because they were fiscally responsible and studied in college.  Their religion had nothing to do with it.

[TJP12409]

Glitch: not funny, sorry...
Wizelsnarf: armaGEODE for everyone who doesn't get it. Good job but it still isn't the funniest joke

How do you stop a bull from charging?
take away its credit card! 

[nerd1]

whats black, white, and red all over?
a serial killer lawyer (there are a lot of those, you know...)

[Nepycros]

A blonde was trying to measure a very tall pole while it was standing up, to no avail. He asks a brunette to help him, so the brunette lays the pole on the ground, and measures it. He stands, says, "8 and a half feet," to which the blonde replies angrily, "No, you idiot! I want to know how tall it is, not how long it is!"

[nerd1]

a blond, a brunet, and a red-head are standing on top of a very tall cliff. now, this isn't an ordinary cliff, you will turn into whatever you say as you jump off it. the red-head jumps off.
"pigeon" and turns into a pigeon and flies away.
the brunet jumps off.
"eagle" and turns into an eagle and flies away.
the blond backs up ten feet, runs nine, and trips over a rock.
"O SHI----"

[smuglapse]

3 _{[insert stereotypically stupid people of choice]}s were walking through the woods when they came upon some tracks in a clearing.

The first individual proclaims, "Those are deer tracks."

The second individual replies, "No, stupid.  Those are moose tracks."

The third individual speaks up.  "No.  You are both wrong.  Those are elk tracks."

The three were still arguing when they were hit by the train.

A pirate walks into a bar adorned in all the usual pirate gear.  He has an eye patch over one socket, a hook at the end of one arm, and a wooden peg in place of his leg.  But, he also happens to have a huge steering wheel sticking out of his groin.

The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you got a wheel sticking out of your groin!"

The pirate angrily replies, "Aye.  It's driving me nuts!"

[918273645]

okay i understand, but we don't want anything obscene, do we?

Of course. That is forbidden in the forum rules as well so it goes without saying. But it wasn't really the point I was trying to make.




I have one joke.

What's the worst possible job you can give to Soul Catcher?



Doctor.

If that Soul Catcher is a real doctor, he would have to take a Hyppocratic Oath. (Or however you spell it.)

[nerd1]

3 _{[insert stereotypically stupid people of choice]}s were walking through the woods when they came upon some tracks in a clearing.

The first individual proclaims, "Those are deer tracks."

The second individual replies, "No, stupid.  Those are moose tracks."

The third individual speaks up.  "No.  You are both wrong.  Those are elk tracks."

The three were still arguing when they were hit by the train.

A pirate walks into a bar adorned in all the usual pirate gear.  He has an eye patch over one socket, a hook at the end of one arm, and a wooden peg in place of his leg.  But, he also happens to have a huge steering wheel sticking out of his groin.

The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you got a wheel sticking out of your groin!"

The pirate angrily replies, "Aye.  It's driving me nuts!"

in stead of making blond jokes lets make _{[insert stereotypically stupid people of choice]} jokes 
sure I've heard the second joke before 

[joaopcl]

smart: So this neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How much will that be?" the neutron asks.

"For you," replies the bartender, "no charge."


animal:
Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires
Why do Elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks

political (not that i'm in favour/against obama):
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

[H2Owned]

Rick Astley asked if he could borrow my Pixar films.

I said OK, you can have Toy Story, Cars & Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up.