EtG Who's Hot Competition - The Threeway - Round 1 (Swimsuits)

[dracomageat]

Hello and welcome to the one and only EtG Who's Hot Threeway, in which the much loved Naesala proves just how loved she is by taking on two guys at the same time. CleanOnion and his much dirtier opponent, Espithel.
Can she do it, though, or will her throne be stolen? Who will look the hottest in their swimsuit?
Let's find out by talking to the contestants.

[CleanOnion]

Recipe for a Swimsuit

You will need:
5 rolls of double-sided sticky tape
3 rolls of duct tape
1200g of unsalted butter, frozen
120g of salt
1 swimsuit
12x250ml Lynx body spray
>1 metre length of piping (hosepipe will do)

Spoiler for Hidden:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Celsius (650 degree Fahrenheit).

Poke some holes in the swimsuit with a fork, and place it on a greased baking tray in the middle of the oven. Set a timer for 20 minutes.

Finely dice the butter into cube of about 0.5cm width. They don't need to be frozen, but it makes the cutting easier. Leave them in a bowl to thaw. If you didn't freeze them, add 50ml of distilled water.

Gently rub the salt into the butter, making sure you get as even a blend as possible.

Once the timer has gone off, open the oven a little and insert the piping such that it touches the bottom of the oven. One by one, spray each of the bottles of Lynx into the hosepipe. You may want to use a plastic bag to cover the bottle and the end of the pipe such that the smell doesn't get everywhere. If the bottle explodes in your hand, use your other one, or ask a friend/parent/warden/nurse to help you.

Once each of the bottles has been emptied, remove the piping and discard it, and close the oven. Set the timer for 40 minutes, and open a window to disperse the smell.

Take the roll of double-sided sticky tape and, starting from your ankles, wrap it around yourself, moving upwards such that it covers your leg. Repeat for the other leg and both arms. Then, starting from the hips, cover your torso and neck.

Knead the butter into a fine paste and spread it evenly over the areas of your body covered by the tape, taking care not to let it touch any exposed skin.

Once this is done, take the duct tape and wrap it around yourself such that all skin and butter, excluding the face, are covered completely. If you poke yourself or bend a joint, you should be able to feel the butter lubricating the two layers - but don't do it too much or the two layers of tape will stick to each other.

Once the timer has gone off, remove the swimsuit from the baking tray and apply it to your body.

There. Now you're wearing a swimsuit, completely waterproof, fully lubricated and you smell great.

[Espithel]

Espithel is a master body-sculptor in every sense of the word. Its approach towards swimsuits is monumental and vital as he manifests its experiences and artistic notions in a unique, artistic language. We are confronted by a persuasive observer who pours out its inner feelings and its personal world-views which reflect the deeper questions about human existence.

Espithel is the closest thing, but closeness is most distant to man. To transform remoteness into closeness is the task of art, to change absence into presence in a way which never reveals its finality.

Espithel's body seems like some... Sacred goddess from the hereafter; the art is eternal and surpasses human life. It is endless, but it can exist only through and because of the living. As great works of art exceed the lifespan of their makers, likewise, the hotness passes the material body. To this artist, sculpture is a constant interweaving of life and death, in which art doesn't end with death, but offers a timeless experience of an aesthetic sublimation of Eros and Thanatos.

Spoiler for What body could deserve such GUSHING praise? Be privileged to witness!:

This is all modern art
Nae is modern art
0nion is just fugly though

[Physsion]

Onion has my vote already

[Zyardran]

Naenae's always got mine ♥

[Naesala]

Naturally, I look flawless in a nice red and fleshtone bikini made from only the finest skin of forumers who don't recognize my magnificent beauty. And it nicely cups all of my assets! Oh, and naturally I'd be posing with a beautiful smile in front of a lake of blood, knife casually in grip. Use your imagination, fellas ;P and ladies, for that matter.

[iancudorinmarian]

Nae has my vote. It's totally not because I could become a part of that bikini otherwise.

[dracomageat]

Since you're all so eager, let the voting commence!

[CleanOnion]

Looks like me and Nae drew with Spitball in a close second.

[Espithel]

Modern art will rise again!