Dr. Skotadi Phobos and Dr. ACCUSO hearing your problems.

[eljoemo]

how do we fix this?

Well, first things first, we'll need that.

And how do we get that?

To achieve "that" you must do the following exactly as I say. This is very delicate procedure which must be done correctly, otherwise you will not get "that". You must to a McDonald's franchise which has exactly 4 male toilet stalls and a north facing entrance. Go to the counter and ask for 11 chicken McNuggets. Since it is impossible to make such a number of chicken McNuggets using the McDonald's McNuggets box sizes, you will most likely be granted 12. If you are not, you will have to try again after waiting for 67 hours. Take your excess McNugget to the nearest tramp and/or homeless person. He will give you an address and a four-digit password. Under the light of a full moon, you must visit said address. Inside you will find an elderly gantleman playing a harp. You must replicate his tune by whistling the exact notes. If successful, he will draw a sword and challenge you to a duel. If you are not successful, he will beat you repeatedly with his walking stick whilst ranting about how today's generation knows nothing and is useless and the such. If you reach the duel, you must defeat the elderly gentleman in mortal combat. As he is dying, hold him in your arms and whisper the four digit password into his ear. If the password is correct, you will hear the singing of a thousand angels and "that" will be bestowed onto you. If you offer the wrong password, you will most likely be accused of "murder" and will be forced to go to the place they call "jail". I wish you good luck on your quest, for it is a dangerous one.

[TribalTrouble]

how do we fix this?

Well, first things first, we'll need that.

And how do we get that?

To achieve "that" you must do the following exactly as I say. This is very delicate procedure which must be done correctly, otherwise you will not get "that". You must to a McDonald's franchise which has exactly 4 male toilet stalls and a north facing entrance. Go to the counter and ask for 11 chicken McNuggets. Since it is impossible to make such a number of chicken McNuggets using the McDonald's McNuggets box sizes, you will most likely be granted 12. If you are not, you will have to try again after waiting for 67 hours. Take your excess McNugget to the nearest tramp and/or homeless person. He will give you an address and a four-digit password. Under the light of a full moon, you must visit said address. Inside you will find an elderly gantleman playing a harp. You must replicate his tune by whistling the exact notes. If successful, he will draw a sword and challenge you to a duel. If you are not successful, he will beat you repeatedly with his walking stick whilst ranting about how today's generation knows nothing and is useless and the such. If you reach the duel, you must defeat the elderly gentleman in mortal combat. As he is dying, hold him in your arms and whisper the four digit password into his ear. If the password is correct, you will hear the singing of a thousand angels and "that" will be bestowed onto you. If you offer the wrong password, you will most likely be accused of "murder" and will be forced to go to the place they call "jail". I wish you good luck on your quest, for it is a dangerous one.

I can't even correctly do the first step. "You must to a McDonald's franchise which has exactly 4 male toilet stalls and a north facing entrance."
What does "You must to a" mean?
I must ride?
Walk?
Drive?
Drink?
Honk?
Call?

[the dictator]

Crawl, of course, though rolling is allowed, but only if it's uphill.

[Skotadi Phobos]

Why the hell are you people doing me job!?!?! STAPIT!!!!

[eljoemo]

Crawl, of course, though rolling is allowed, but only if it's uphill.

I appear to have omitted this step. Yes, crawling, uphill rolling and moon-walking are all valid ways. Other methods of transport may work but with varying levels of success.

[dawn to dusk]

If you wish to have help in your quest, you must leap frog to the McDonalds place.
Sorry sko, this is such a big job, no individual can physically complete this on his/her own. And thus, you need help. (dr ACCUSO would have been able to help however he isn't here right now...

[Skotadi Phobos]

If you wish to have help in your quest, you must leap frog to the McDonalds place.
Sorry sko, this is such a big job, no individual can physically complete this on his/her own. And thus, you need help. (dr ACCUSO would have been able to help however he isn't here right now...

I suppose you're right. And word around the ancient monastery is ice skating is the best way to get to McDonalds.

[TribalTrouble]

I whispered the wrong password. T_T

Stupid old time lord. He didn't even put himself where the police could find him, let alone his wife. Oh wait…

[Skotadi Phobos]

I whispered the wrong password. T_T

Stupid old time lord. He didn't even put himself where the police could find him, let alone his wife. Oh wait…

I suppose you could wait for Wal Mart to add a "That" section.

[TribalTrouble]

I whispered the wrong password. T_T

Stupid old time lord. He didn't even put himself where the police could find him, let alone his wife. Oh wait…

I suppose you could wait for Wal Mart to add a "That" section.

Wait.. doesn't Wal Mart have everything?

[Skotadi Phobos]

I whispered the wrong password. T_T

Stupid old time lord. He didn't even put himself where the police could find him, let alone his wife. Oh wait…

I suppose you could wait for Wal Mart to add a "That" section.

Wait.. doesn't Wal Mart have everything?

Well, I assumed you'd try to get that there instead of the hard way. You seriously tried the hard way first?

[eaglgenes101]

I believe there's a similar procedure for "it".
First, you must join a club. Not just any club, though. It must be one of those clubs that the unpopular kids join and then do nothing in. I recent the pen fifteen club, the b equals d club, or the lao club.
Then after joining one of these clubs, you will find a slip of paper with a telephone number on it. You must call it, and give your both date and social security number to the person on the other end right after they pick it up. If you do it quickly enough, they will give you a set of coordinates.
Wait at that exact spot without moving, and when you see a person, shout your credit card number and your IP address at the to of your lungs. They'll then approach you and say something. After they're done, hand them a phone you've been continuously for 10 years. If you did everything correctly, you should get "it".