COMIC PARTY

[skyironsword]

I was always told to look both ways before crossing the street. Then I got hit by a car going in reverse.

After that, I refused to walk if there was a car in sight. Of course then I got hit by a low flying plane.

As I healed my wounds, I decided to get a pet rock to entertain me. It ran away.

So I got a pet fish. It drowned.

I tried to get away by going on a cruise; ended up stranded on an island for weeks, I finally found a flare gun and shot it. But it was the fourth of July.

So now here I am, using an old laptop on some random island, typing with my feet.

Fine.

[eljoemo]

So I'm in this pub, at the bar. It's been a hard day and I've probably had a bit too much to drink. But I'm an adult so I can do that.

So I'm sat there, and this panda walks in. And I'm thinking "Wow, I should've stayed on the pepsi". But then everyone else looks at this panda as well, so I'm like "Okay, I'm not hallucinating at least."

And this panda shouts at a waitress "Oi! Gemme a drink!" And I'm think wow this guy is a total ass.

And all night this panda's being rude to everyone. The waiter brings his food over and he complains it took too long. He keeps shouting about how bad his meal is. I'm like "Someone should tell this guy to leave."

This one time he catches me looking and he shouts "The hell are you looking at?!" And I just turn back to me drink and sit there.

But I'm still watching this panda, working up the courage to confront him.

So, the waitress comes with the bill for his meal and he shouts "I ain't payin' for this". Then he pulls out this gun. And I'm like "Whoa. This guy's serious." And then he shoots this waitress and makes for the exit.

And I'm like "I've gotta stop this guy". So I stand up and I shout "Hey!". And this panda stops, and turns and looks straight at me.

Then I'm worried that it's me next. I can't just pretend I didn't shout and I can't say nothing so I say "Hey, you're not supposed to do that."

And this panda starts making for me. And he says "That's exactly what I'm supposed to do." And then he reaches to get something and I'm thinking "He's gonna shoot me! I'm gonna get shot by a panda!"

But instead he pulls out a dictionary.And he drops it on the bar. "That's exactly what I'm supposed to do here." he says "Look it up."

So I look up Panda in this dictionary. And it says 'Panda - Eats, shoots, and leaves'

[iggythegreat]

Person 1: I Cant believe they're still together after all that crap!!!
Person 2: Who?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Person 1: My butt cheeks!
    

[timetock]

lol.

[Annele]

As you may know, Saint Patrick walked barefoot as an act of contrition, which made his feet rugged and blistered. He ate an ascetic’s diet, which made him weak and additionally gave him bad breath.

All of this made him

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[Calambar]

just following ;]

[eljoemo]

After watching Star Trek Into Darkness, my dad told me this one which just had to go in here.

Did you know Captain Kirk has 3 ears? His left ear, his right ear, and space the final frontier.

[Skotadi Phobos]

Did you hear about they guy who kept telling tree puns? He really branched out with them. Some say it was in an effort to get to the root of his problems and alleafiate some of his stress.  I guess it worked because he stopped barking at people, in fact, he's grown rather friendly.  Last I heard his social life was flourishing.

[Submachine]

Do you want to post something funny, but there's no real place to post it yet?
Well here you can post anything that you found funny and wanted to share with someone.

Like this:

Spoiler for Hidden:

[Gandora]

Omg, that was great xD xD xD

[Drake_XIV]

Abbot and Costello's Periodic Table

[flyingcat]

Who's on first? How to piss off 3 different groups of geeks with one quote: "Use the Force, Harry." -Gandalf