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« on: February 27, 2011, 09:52:11 pm »
Daddy? How did I come into this world?
Well, my child, some day I'll have to tell you any way...
So why not today? Please!!!
O.K., but listen carefully!
Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restrooms of that cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall.
Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus...
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Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."
Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world."
They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.
Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the smallest person in the world."
Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and said, "Who the hell is Camilla Parker Bowles?"
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Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you.
The next day I stopped smoking.
Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you,
The next day I stopped eating red meat.
Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you.
The next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you.
This morning I stopped reading.
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A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following
exchange takes place....
The man says, "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken taillight!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks. [Man gives his wife another dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife says: "No, only when he's drunk."