Text from quest line and tutorial will be posted. Typos are highlighted in yellow, with a comment and correction after the paragraph in green. Symbols are replaced with asterisks (*). NOTES will be in red. I don't care if my spelling is bad, as long as my corrections make sense.
NOTE: I can't be sure if I'm correct, as I'm not an English teacher, but some of these bother me.
ONE MORE THING: Just so I don't seem like a complete noob, I'm doing this on a different profile in order to check the mission text, my main account is far passed the missions.
Quest 1: Welcome!
This is Element's main menu. You just received 40 cards for you starter deck; are you ready for your first duel?
Objective: Defeat a level 0 elemental, click the "Quests" button AFTER your victory to get your reward.
Click on the "Level 0" button to start your first duel.
Most cards require a certain amount of quanta to be used. A white band behind the card launch cost means there is enough quantums to play it.
Click on one of your cards to play it.
quantums should be quanta
There are 3 types of cards:
3|5 .Creatures
* .Spells (instant effect)
* .Permanents (equipment, quantum sources, etc.)
Whats with the . before the name?
In writing (I'm excluding "Level 2 ... etc), numbers between one and nine are written as words.
Creatures will attack your opponent at the end of each turn. The first number in the creature icon is the attack power, the second one is the number of health points.
Many creatures have skills of their own; the name of the skill appears just below your creature.
This *may* confuse some people. it's obvious that it means everyone but for a tad less confusion i would suggest using the or something similar.
When you are ready to end your turn click the
"DONE" button or press "spacebar".
You just damaged your opponent, when his
health points amount reaches 0, you won.
The yellow part of his life bar is the rough
estimate of the HP he will lose the next
time you'll attack.
This one isn't very important but I would rather Zanz used their, as you are versing Ai, and in multiplayer boys and girls...
A flashing border around one of your creatures
means that your creature is ready to use its
skill. Click on the creature to use it.
Click on the creature to use its skill.
There are many ways to gain quantums.Pillars
will generate quantums at the end of each turn.
plural from quantum is quanta.
Pillars will generate quanta at the end of each of their owners turns.
NOTE: There wasn't enough time for me to read AND type each of these in the tutorial, I had to go through it multiple times. I personally believe that they should need to be closed by the player, instead of closing themselves.
Quest 1: Welcome!
Great Job!
Click the reward button to get your reward and move to your next quest.
The J should be lower case.
Move ONto
Quest 2: Improve Your Deck
There are 40 cards in your starter deck; a deck can have between 30 and 60 cards. Get rid of some of the cards you do not like/use, the cards removed from your deck are still yours and will remain in your storage.
Objective: Remove at least one card from your deck. Click "Your Deck" and click on the card(s) you want to remove.
Quest 2: Improve Your Deck
Great Job!
Click the reward button to get your reward and move to your next quest.
Exactly the same as before.
Quest 3: The Bazaar
Now that you have something in your storage you can sell it, get some money for it, and buy the cards you are looking for. You can buy almost any card at the bazaar, only the most rare cards are not for sale, you can get those only with a spin after winning against a level 1 or higher elemental.
Objective: Click on the "bazaar" button. Sell at least one card and buy at least one card.
Im not sure how to rephrase this, but it might be taken as selling your storage which is insane.
Quest 3: The Bazaar
Great Job!
Click the reward button to get your reward and move to your next quest.
Exactly the same - AGAIN.
Quest 4: Level 1 elementals
You are now ready for a more challenging fight. Level 1 elementals are not very well organized, their decks often lack a strategy, but sometimes they get lucky and they can fight hard. Winning against a level 1 elemental will grant you a spin at the wheel, get three cards of the same type and that card is yours.
Objective: Defeat a Level 1 elemental. Click the "Level 1 elemental" button to start a duel.
The e should be a capital in the title.
Unfortunate wording, but that may just be my young teenage mind ;P.
This may cause new players to think this means three permanents, creatures or spells.
Should be three of the same card.
The last bit isn't part of the objective its just extra info.
Quest 4: Level 1 elementals
Great Job!
Click the reward button to get your reward and move to your next quest.
From now on you can also visit the oracle once per day!
Captial e.
Should be The Oracle.
Quest 5: Level 2 elementals
It is time to try an even harder fight; Level 2 have well organized decks, but if you defeat one you'll get even better rewards. Goodluck.
Objective: Defeat a level 2 elemental. Click the "Level 2 elemental" button to start the duel.
Captial e.
Not an objective.
Quest 5: Level 2 elementals
Great Job!
Click the reward button to get you reward and move to your next quest.
Same as always
Quest 6: Your Score
Every time you win a match you gain some score point, if you lose a game, you lose some.
Your score determines the level of the Arena Decks that you create. Increase your score and come back for a juicy reward.
Objective: Reach a score of at least 150
Your score raises.
Your score lowers.
Unfortunate wording.
Quest 6: Your Score
You reached a score of 100 or better! You won 150 electrum coins
Click the reward button to get your reward and move to your next quest.
EPIC FAIL: it said 150 not 100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And onto...
Quest 7: Rare cards
Rare cards are extremely hard to find, although they are not necessary for a winning strategy, they are often a nice addition for your deck. Get an even higher score and I will reward you with a rare card.
Objective: Reach a score of 500
Should be capital.
For works, but to flows nicer.
This is the first time the mission text has talked about itself, it either NEVER should or ALWAYS should.
Quest 7: Rare cards
Your reached a score of 500! You are allowed to pick your rare weapon. (roll over to see the card, click to confirm).
Should be capital c.
The entire wording of this is awkward and so many mistakes, should be something along the lines of "You have reached a score of over 500! You can pick a rare weapon (roll over to see the card, click to confirm)."
Upgraded Cards
You have completed all the available quests, but there are ways to become even stronger, if you are rich enough ... or brave enough. you can create upgraded cards; upgrading a card is going to cost you 1,500 electrum coins. It is very expensive, but if you have plenty of money it does not matter, right?
There is something else you should know about; something else besides elementals dwells in the universe of elements. There are entities that claim to be invincible, gods, but maybe you can prove them wrong. Do not even think this will be anywhere close to easy; the normal laws of elements do not apply to these guys.
Works, but sounds as if there will be more. I would get rid of available.
The first comma (,) in the first sentence should be a full stop.
Not a major thing, but as far as I know there isn't meant to be a space between the h and the ....
Awkward wording, something more like upgrading cards costs 1,500 electrum. Would flow better.
It is sounds formal, yet a lot of this text is informal, stick with one or the other (I personally like informal as it makes the games text flow easier and is slightly more friendly).
This somehow seems like you WILL need the money, even though you wont; also, we come back to the formal/informal thing.
Sounds weird, maybe "... gods, but you can prove them wrong." These guys is NOT the words to use. replace with gods/fake gods.
