I think it's a wonderful effort for a first time NL writer considering your age.
However, we shouldn't consider your age because the quality of the work has nothing to do with the age of the worker.
I still think it's a brilliant first attempt.
Once Dm moved on to constructive criticism, his points are valid, however. When writing for the NL, imagine yourself as a journalist, not just telling a story as you yourself would tell it in chat or something. It's wonderful to read your personality so strongly, but certain parts (smileys and grammar mostly) just need double checking. Copy the text into word or something and confirm the spelling / grammar.
Honestly, though, those are tiny things in the grand scheme of things, and it was a thoroughly enjoyable read. You, and those who helped, have done extremely well, and I look forward to seeing you develop as a writer. Also, the people giving you criticism aren't hating, they just want to see you be the best NL writer you can be. Accepting and working on criticism is an important part of developing in any job/role/task
Gif for new members: best thing ever. I also quite like Discord's War feature (if a bit rushed) this is a place you can really let your personality as a writer shine
