Gather round everyone!
I, kaempfer, 13th of my line, had an epiphany!
The question of the egg cracking has caused us much grief and cost lives.
Lamenting the dead, I turned to the writings for an answer. As you know Brundecral 54 states "That all true believers shall break their eggs at the convenient end", yet many wise men before me failed to determine with certainty what the convenient end is.
None the wiser, I begged the gods for an answer and offered an egg sacrifice.
For this I formed a nest out of 2 bundles of straw on the north side of my house and placed an egg in its center. I placed both of my feet in front and carefully lowered my behind, warming the egg between my cheeks. Each time a neighbour would pass by I would cluck at them and turn the egg.
As the sun went down, i finally got up and set fire to the nest, so that the gods would enjoy it.
Then suddenly, the egg would crack down the middle and lightning struck me.
The spirit of our great prophet Lustrog appeared before me. He said to me: "Go forth and tell your people: The convenient end of the egg is not either of the physical ends. It is its end of existence. Thus the most convenient end of the egg is the one where the shell does not mix with its contents and both the yolk as well as the egg white can be fully enjoyed".
When I came to I saw 2 halfs of the eggshell perfectly separated and a perfectly fried egg inbetween. It was delicious.
I turn my back to the audience and undress my tunic, revealing a Lichtenberg figure following my spine perfectly.
This mark from the gods shows the proper way off cracking an egg!
Hear my words and remember them carefully: It is not the small end nor the big end that matters. It's about ending it rightly!
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