The man named Jeremiah the Belligerent ate a banana shaped like Don, which tasted bad because it was actually a fish. When he realized that the banana had tricked him he decided to throw sandals at it. The next day he tickled a heel drawn into the sand. It came alive and attacked Jeremiah with its noodley and completely unreliable leather whip. Jeremiah proceeded to thrust vulgarly at it. "Surrender!" Jeremiah shouted. He shall not be made fun of on this day. He felt bitter at the woman who sold him the leather whip enchanted with fire magic. She was weirdly-shaped with a large pimple and apparently cherished her pimple over Jeremiah's life. Feeling distraught about his life, he ate his inner fear. Doing this, he died. His body began to grow until it became furry, shifting into a horny squirrel. With bat wings. Edward the vampire blows. Squirrel Jeremiah was at last the winner tonight!
Next morning he realized he was back to normal. Phew! Then cornucopias started falling from stained glass sky. Jeremiah licked one and it tasted like chicken. Yet he had seventeen chickens in his pants, but he never noticed the dark guy under the park bench who was hiding from giant tarantulas.
Jeremiah tried to summon the souls of the tarantulas to save the fabrics of his home dimension. But he didn't realize that the dark ones had arrived.
"Kneel!" They declared, "For we are the omniscient bearers of the realms of ages past."
"You will die unless you journey to the otherworld. Take this man to be your page. He shall be made king but only if you escort him through the depths of... this cave!" The man motioned towards the unusually large cave behind him. He withdrew and the dark night came after his departure. The dark man under the colorful painting smiled at him and presented three disembodied eyes.
"Use these to navigate through the otherworld's labyrinth of shadow but be aware of the Corn of Evil. It tastes of blood and smells of rotting kettle corn. To defeat it, you must wield the supah secret Cannon of Sonic Boom, weapon of years of hacking, and the stick of eternal and worthless radioactive corpses. Poke it repeatedly for massive damage. And maybe some bananas will come to save you from the Jawas and the Hutts on pirate ships!
Reluctantly he stepped further into the mouth of the bunny eating carrot-shaped fish sticks. Drawing his vampire toothpick, he suddenly picked his teeth and threw it at them, poisoning the helpless orphans eating cheese cake until they suddenly danced up and summoned several winged bunny dragons with signs reading "Beware randomness. You must follow the plot, read the above treatise pasted on the bottom of this blue whale!" But I digress, this is the tale of Jeremiah's stupidly funny adventure. Strangely the orange dies. The end.
The orange undies. And died again.
In another dimension, Jeremiah continued his pitiable conquest of the labyrinth of the underworld. Jeremiah's page got eaten by living flames of Chuck Norris' beard, which was eating three live puppies and twenty peppers. The page ghost was so ugly that Jeremiah swore on Zanzarino's basement that he would properly commit patricide because of the fact that his diamond-breathing dragon born from his secret hoard of corrupted wishes and deadly souls had infested the lowest end of the remains of his massive, three foot mailbox stake, planted deep within the bowels of a cowardly Purple Nymph. Jeremiah decided he had enough of this weird game, the fourth wall shattering around him. He was dumbfounded at the insanity and the subsequent madness that was eating his tonsils while cheating on this story's writers. Leaving our computers, we started role-playing; Naesala a bard, Essence the DM, Drake the Dracomancer, Annalius the Summoner, and Nepycros the servant to Laxadarap, and various others, whom rocks crushed. Drake began by soloing a wyvern. But he died. Naesala sang "Inspire these slightly acidic to consume us with bad grammar." Suddenly, a prisoner removed his shirt, and revived Drake to re-kill him. Angered by this, the many players cast their spells to a potato monster named FlareGlutox, who exploded into song about magical cats and mysterious cotton candy unicorns which melt for seven hours straight as Drake regenerates into a blob. Now immortal, Drake couldn't be targeted by thunderstorm, which gives him time to eat muffins. And how he died despite the blob's banana-like enhancements on his nunchaku.
Now, angered beyond his tiny limits, Drake became human and was consequently subject to morality, unlike, of course, the garden gnomes, who hated him. Flare_Glutox comes in responding to the revelations by the great prophetess, Izaya, whom Naesala did kill with a oddly-shaped potato, which instead cast a buff spell, but alas, it was no use. Instead, Izaya became Cel, a golem of fire and monogamous nay-saying. His hideous visage was of epic misery and pain. The crew then set about terrorizing the realm with the omens of the coming apocalypse with tracts of the coming monstrosity thus, they were entirley unprepared for necroing this thread.
Revived, Drake casts
