Elements Brawl!

[Artois]

I get hit by MC Hammer, after laughing at your pathetic attack, I file an official complaint with the United Nations with regards to Finkels pedantic nature:  this red tape counter attack bogs you down in the international judicial system for 20 years....

[Fixari]

...Which is a moot point, seeing as I provide a suitable alibi. Meanwhile, I hire assassins to take you out...

[Artois]

... as the last assassin in the world, I take your $$$$, and spend them on a nice new house by sea.  Meanwhile, I send you an exploding receipt in the post, for the job I didn't do...

[Demagog]

Too bad the US postal service doesn't let such things go through the mail... Lol

I use precognition and foresee myself running you over with a monster truck on Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Which it just so happens to be right now...

[Wardead]

I rewind you Demagog.

[Artois]

Wardeads account has been closed, and his rewind is cancelled.  Demagog and myself, then go to pay Wardead a visit with our deadly, razor sharp, hunting Gerbils of DOOM!

[Fixari]

Too bad I've trained a squad of kittens to attack anyone that goes on Wardead's or my properties, and not to harm either of us.

Meanwhile, I start playing World Tetris (AKA: I start raining Tetris blocks on you)...

[implosion]

Your stack reaches too high and you get a game over before any blocks land on me. I throw rotten tomatoes at you while simultaneously shooting you with a crossbow.

[Fixari]

I hide behind the Tetris block tower, then tip it over.

[implosion]

I go back into that other universe, and the tower topples in just such a way so that the blocks fit perfectly and all disappear. From that universe I play a black hole into this universe... and you are already under the event horizon. 

[Fixari]

Well, it would have worked if I didn't hitch hike with you when you crossed.

I pull out a chainsaw.

[sSethia]

I watch you pull out a chainsaw.

I throw my lobster at you.