Elements Brawl!

[Fixari]

I chop off your tongues.

[Wardead]

I grow them back and start eating.

[Fixari]

I summon an ox to land on you.

[finkel]

I open my stainless-steel umbrella.

I sleep with your mother.

[Chromanin]

I summon chuck norris to do my biddings. He protects me forever, whips your ass, and sleeps with all your mothers.

You all get a chuck norris baby brother. Baby brother because his sperm only creates men.

[Fixari]

I'm immune to the attack, as I kill my mom before he can sleep with her.

Then, I wonder how Chuck Norris can sleep with anyone, seeing as he's old. The Chuck Norris babies die.

[icecoldbro]

well i summon a zombie monkey armie to kill u all

[Artois]

...The zombie Monkey army attacks the first flesh food they see, and Icecoldbro is no more.  Meanwhile, everyone else hides on the moon...

[finkel]

THAT'S NOT A COUNTER-ATTACK. IN LIEU OF YOU PROVIDING ONE, I WILL:
Vampire Robot Nazis who are also Zombies land on Earth in spaceships that are also bacon. The see you, and you are so totally fucked.

[implosion]

I take one of the spaceships and fly away to the moon, providing food for everyone there. Meanwhile we nuke earth several times over, with you on it.

[Wardead]

I nuke the universe killing everyone.

[implosion]

Good thing I happened to be in a different universe. I enter back into this one, find a survivor and hit them with a hammer.