Elements Brawl!

[falconbane]

Except I'm still wet after getting away from the zombie sharks, the paper turns to a pulp. 

I tie a TNT to a kitten and throw it in your general direction.

[implosion]

You didn't light the TNT. I untie it from the kitten, and the kitten attacks you for trying to kill it.

[falconbane]

Some random little girl grabs holds of it and snuggles to death before it reached me.

Release a horde of kitten in your direction, followed a horde of said girls

[implosion]

The kittens don't have any reason to hate me, nor do the girls, so they don't attack. I hit you with a pickaxe.

[falconbane]

Curse you little girls, learn to stampede right! 

The pickaxe is old and broke in half as swing, killing 3 kittens as it lands.

I throw a bucket of chopped chicken liver on you, redirecting the stampede toward you.

[implosion]

I casually walk slightly to the left and your attack completely misses me. I get elected to congress / whatever legislative body your country has / become the ruler of your country and make it illegal to be you, under penalty of death....

[Helios]

At this point, the United Nations Security Council finally intervenes after years of bureaucratic debate in your feud, orders a ceasefire and also declares your legislation to be in violation of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

[implosion]

I ignore your lack of an attack.

I attempt to kill you.

[Helios]

To be declared in violation of Universal Declaration of Human Rights = attack.

You are tossed in jail for attempted murder.

[implosion]

I break out.

I attempt to assassinate you while the government is sleeping and can't do anything.

[Helios]

You attempt to enter my residence, but failed to consider the ice water bucket traps which promptly send you running away and screaming.

The noise alerts all the forces of the authorities; the UN sends you to a maximum security facility where you are watched 24/7 and cannot ever escape again.

[implosion]

I use the secret eternity i had hidden in my pocket, disarm the bucket trap and reenter with intent to kill.