Corrupt A Wish 2.0

[ZephyrPhantom]

You complain but nobody listens.

I wish for everyone in the world to turn into a yellow-tailed tuna.

Granted, but you turn into a tuna first and a tuna-obsessed computer program singer eats you up without second thought.  The rest of us are fine.
I wish for 11.

[xBerzerk]

Granted, you get 11 Justin Biebers.

I wish for an answer as to why this thread is still alive.

[ZephyrPhantom]

Granted, but I forgot the answer.
I wish all trolls would become nice people.

[xBerzerk]

Granted, now they're just plain annoying.

I wish my wish would not be granted unless this wish were not granted.

[Nepycros]

Granted, your wish has not been granted.

I wish I actually put some thought into my response.

[xBerzerk]

Granted, you thought long and hard but simply weren't smart enough to think of a decent response. (Mind you, I'm just granting wishes here; please don't take offense!)

I wish Nepycros' number of posts in this thread dropped to below 30!

[Nepycros]

Granted, but this makes 30, thus breaking your wish and resetting me to regular standards... or trapping me in a paradox. Whichever.

I wish for something nontrivial.

[Pineapple]

Granted, you get a box, which is literally not a trivia question. Plus, anything could be in a box...maybe another box, or even a boat! Unfortunately, inside the box you find nothing.
I wish for the end.

[Nepycros]

Granted, but it is a new beginning.

I wish to evolve into a better being.

[xBerzerk]

Granted, you now have morals.

I wish for everything I do to be narrated by Morgan Freeman.

[Pineapple]

Granted, but Morgan Freeman suddenly suffers from...throat cancer and talks in a nasally, muted voice amplified by staticy electronic speakers
EDITED: i wish for overpowered cards. Damn, too late.

[Nepycros]

Granted. There is nothing to grant.

I wish the guy 2 posts back didn't just use xkcd to make a joke.