Here's my mitovamp deck
Hover over cards for details, click for permalink
5c3 5c5 5c6 5c7 5c7 5c7 5c7 5c9 5c9 5c9 5um 5um 5um 5um 5um 5up 5up 5up 5uq 5uq 5ut 5ut 606 606 606 606 606 606 606 606 8pn
The places where my idea clashes with your idea is:
Your deck is more focused.
I don't rely entirely on early quanta lock-down in order to survive, I can take some damage with vampires and empathic.
I can get out a second-turn devourer because I usually draw 2 pendulums in my starting hand.
I have permanent control and vampires, in case the opponent plays a shield with one damage reduction.
So basically, my advice is to replace the emerald pillars with darkness pendulums, take out 1-2 mitosis and add 2-3 steals.