Writing Competition: The Elemental Cookbook [VOTING]

[Aves]

The Elemental Cookbook - A Compendium and Comprehensive Compilation of Culinary Creations

>>>Author's Note<<<

Recipes

Spoiler for Classic Holy Cheeseburger:

Spoiler for Lunch with the False Gods of Light:

(NOTE: Based off of DoctorC's interpretation of the False Gods)
Somewhere in the Helios Pastures was a sanctuary, floating above all else. Made out of white gold and platinum and about 50 feet tall, it didn't even cast a shadow on the fields below. Somewhere in the distance, a humanoid figure flew towards it. It was none other than the False God Miracle himself, though his usual Morning Glory and Jade Shield were absent. In their place was a bottle of Insignia White Wine, the brand being extremely popular after a mortal brought a couple of bottles to the Oracle's latest New Years Party, wrapped in a green and blue ribbon. Miracle himself was dressed rather fancily, wearing a white slim-fit suit jacket in place of his usual battle armor. The peak labels, bow tie, and pockets were sky blue; and he wore a lime green dress shirt underneath the whole thing. His lower half was much less of an eyesore, with blueish green dress pants and dark navy blue dress shoes. His red hair was brushed to the side and held together by gel, and he made sure to trim his beard to a reasonable size; his crown was nowhere to be seen today. It was well known in the Pantheon that Miracle did not have a sense of fashion, but at least he knew proper hair-styling.

When he finally got to the sanctuary, he knocked on the door. Out came a female figure, likely a False Goddess, dressed much less fancily than Miracle. She had an identical shade of red hair to Miracle, although longer and held back in a ponytail. Also like Miracle, her crown was missing and she wasn't wearing battle armor today. Instead, she wore a sky-blue blouse and caramel pants, barely covered by an apron with a fiery design. As soon as she opened the door, she couldn't help but giggle at Miracle's choice of clothing.

"You seem to be in a good mood, Divine Glory," Miracle noted, oblivious to why she was actually giggling.

"Really? Guess I haven't noticed," replied Divine Glory, attempting to contain her laughter, "Anyways, I'm glad you could come over for lunch." She let Miracle into the sanctuary, the interior being much less grandiose than the exterior. The walls were just as white as the outside of the sanctuary, though it felt smaller on the inside. The hallway had an orange-red welcome mat near the door. There was a closet next to him, supposedly for shoes; Miracle knew from visits prior to this one that he didn't need to take off his. The dining table was fairly simple, being made out of oak wood; which were accompanied by two chairs. A tablecloth with the design of the Mark of Fire sewn into covered it, and on top of that was a small iron bucket. On closer inspection the bucket was filled with Ice Lances, probably borrowed from Scorpio. Miracle placed the bottle of wine into the bucket, and sat down.

"Wasn't Paradox going to join us?" he asked as he sat down, upon noticing the two chairs that were set up.

"He had a meeting with the other Gods of Time," she replied, about to head into the kitchen.

"What about Dark Matter?"

"He said he had to do some 'research'." They both knew that he really meant he was going to watch TV in the basement lab, and decided not to bother him.

Divine Glory then went into the kitchen to bring out the meal, closing the door behind her. She was instead greeted by a cloud of smoke coming out of the oven. Panicked, she rushed over to the stove and opened it, revealing the source of the smoke.

"Oh no! My roast phoenix is ruined!" She hurried around the kitchen to try and fix everything when out of the corner of her eye she saw
a nearby Vindi's, a well known fast food chain in the Realm of Elements, on the ground below. An idea struck her.

"But what if I bought fast food and presented it to Miracle as my own cooking?" she pondered. Proud of her own intuition, she took off her apron, placed it on the oven, let her hair loose, and prepared to hop out of the window. Before she could do so Miracle walked into the kitchen, whatever he was about to say being interrupted with the image of what seemed to be smoke coming out of the oven and Divine Glory with part of her leg out of the window.

"Divine Glory. Care to explain what's going on here?" Miracle asked, sternly. She suddenly felt a wave of anxiousness throughout her entire body.

Trying to come up with an excuse for what was happening she answered, "Ah, Miracle! I was just...uh, stretching my calves on the windowsill! You see, the other day, Akebono recommended some isometric exercises to me. Care to join me?" Ignoring that thought, Miracle's attention was directed towards the oven.

"Why is there smoke coming out of your oven?"

"Actually, that's steam. Steam for the steamed clams we're having! Mmm, steamed clams."

"Steamed clams?" Miracle wondered, "Can you even find those in this realm?" He then remembered the oceans of the Water region, and concluded that there might be some clams in the oceans there. He returned to his seat, unaware of his sister's evasion.

Divine Glory let out a sigh of relief. But there wasn't time to relax, she still had to prepare lunch. Flying on an animated Morning Glory, she went and ordered as many cheeseburgers and fries as she had electrum for. Surprisingly, this wasn't much. The time it took for her to wait for her food, fly back into the kitchen, and make the meal look presentable wasn't much. It was time to serve Miracle his lunch.

"Sorry for the wait!" she said, placing the platter down on the table and moving the bucket aside. "I hope you're ready for some mouthwatering hamburgers!"

"Weren't we having steamed clams?" Miracle asked.

"Did I say 'steamed clams'? What I meant to say was 'steamed HAMS'."

"Since when did you start calling hamburgers 'steamed hams'?"

"It's a regional dialect. I picked it up while rooming with Neptune."

"So it's a Water regional dialect."

"Yes."

"Well, I've visited the villages in that region, and I never heard any of the villagers use the phrase 'steamed hams'."

"That's because it's an expression used in the city."

Miracle thought to himself, "There's cities in the Water region? Then again, those Steam Machines have to come from somewhere..." He shrugged off the thought and reached for a "steamed ham". Once he took a bite, he couldn't help but notice something off about them.

"You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Vindi's," Upon hearing this, Divine Glory faked a chuckle.

"No, no, no. They're patented Gloryburgers! Old family recipe!

"For steamed hams?"

"Yeah."

"And Mother hasn't told me because...?"

"I guess she never figured you were the cooking type."

"Fair enough," Miracle agreed. Though after a couple more bites, he realized that his initial hunch might be right after all. He lifted the bun off of the patty, and was slightly disturbed by what he found. "So you call them steamed hams despite the fact they're obviously grilled, and made out of beef."

Upon this realization, Divine Glory was backed into a corner. She couldn't help but stammer a bit, trying to string words together to justify the contradiction Miracle found. After a while she abruptly got up and excused herself, entering the kitchen once more; Miracle didn't pay any mind to this. Upon entering the kitchen, she realized one fatal mistake that she overlooked before: she forgot to turn the oven off. She quickly exited the kitchen and faked a yawn, while the door swiveled behind her.

"Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped."

"Yes, I should be-" But before Miracle could finish, he caught a glimpse of the inside of the kitchen. Alarmed, he stood up and yelled, "GOOD ORACLE, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?!"

Without any sign of worry, Divine Glory replied, "Octane came to visit."

"OCTANE?!" Miracle exclaimed as his thoughts were flooded with anger, worry, and confusion. "Even though he has a packed schedule, he just decided to come over to Helios Pastures all the way from Aeolus Nimbus, just to enter your kitchen?!

"Yeah," she said without hesitation. By this time, Miracle became much calmer despite the situation at hand.

"Well, why didn't he join us for lunch?" At this, Divine Glory shrugged. There was more questions that Miracle wanted answered, but he didn't really have much time to stick around. As he walked towards the front door, Divine Glory came along to see him off. As he was about to leave, an old, grizzly voice came from inside of the sanctuary. Upon hearing it Divine Glory felt that same wave of anxiousness from earlier, not due to how the voice sounded but what he had to say.

"I may be stating the obvious, but THE DAMN SANCTUARY IS ON FIRE!"

"Don't worry about it, Dark Matter! It's just Octane!"

"Well, Divine Glory, you've certainly changed over the years," Miracle started. "But I must say, you steam a good ham."

After he said this, he took off into the skies. A faraway cry for help from that same old voice caught his attention, and he turned towards the sanctuary. He could see some flames coming out of the window, and the distant figure of Divine Glory giving what looked like a thumbs up. He looked to the right of the sanctuary and saw the local fire-fighters coming to the rescue...which consisted of the entirety of Team Fire. From these images alone he could tell that thing wouldn't end well for Divine Glory's home. But it wasn't his problem anymore; besides, he had other things to attend to. He turned away from the burning sanctuary and took for the skies.

Spoiler for How to Make Them:

Classic Holy Cheeseburger
by InsignificantWeeaboo
7-15 minutes
Serving Size: 1 person
While they're not the same recipe as the ones made in Vindi's, they're pretty close. Made with ingredients from the Light and Life regions, including the beef of the rare Holy Cow, it's a freshly-made family meal classic for all elementals! The best part about them is that they're easily customizable; this particular recipe is the main baseline for how the Holy Cheeseburger should be made. Not steamed, as Divine Glory claims them to be.

Equipment	Ingredients
Grill (Most chefs recommend the Flaming Cannon Grill) Coal (Charcoal works, but you might anger the Green Nymphs) Stiff Bristled Wire Brush Spatula	Cooking Oil 2 Burger Buns About 1/4 cup Ketchup 3 Slices of Pickles 1 Pound Ground Holy Beef 1 Slice of Holy Cheese 1 Tomato Slice Forest Spirit Leaves 1 Red Onion Slices About 1/2 teaspoon Salt About 1/4 teaspoon Pepper

Step 1 - Prepping the Grill
No more than 5 min
First, clean out any old ash still lingering in the grill. Before you toss it out, however, it's a good idea to prime it and see if the ash reincarnates as a Phoenix. If not, feel free to toss it or feed it to your pet Ash Eater. Remove any rust or residue from the grates using the stiff bristled wire brush. Place coal/charcoal into the bowl of the grill and heat them. Once the coals are lit, put the grates on and let them heat up for about 5 minutes or so. (DO NOT speed up the process using a Fire Lance, or any other Fire spells. This could cause the grill to overheat, or even be destroyed.) Wad up a paper towel and, using tongs, dip it in some cooking oil. Then use the tongs to thoroughly oil up the cooking grates.

Step 2 - Making/Cooking the Patty
7-8 minutes
Shape the ground Holy Beef into a patty. Lay patties on the grill and close the lid. Cook the burgers, turning once, until they're browned on both sides and no longer pink inside. (Author's Note: This can vary based on how well someone likes their burgers.) Once they are done, remove the patties from the grill.

Step 3 - Assembly
No longer than 2 minutes
Cut the burger buns side down, and lay them on the grill and cook until lightly toasted. This should take 30 seconds to 1 minute. Spread ketchup on the bun bottom. Add pickles, burger, cheese, tomato, Forest Spirit Leaves, onion, and salt and pepper to taste. Set the bun top in place.

Enjoy!

Spoiler for Otyugh Wellington:

Otyugh Wellington
MasterWalks
Estimated Time of Completion: Prep 3 years. Cooking Time: 3-4 hours
Description of dish
The glutinous Otyugh offers a new take on the culinary arts. This beast will devour anything it can fit in its mouth. This creature's insatiable appetite offers farmers the ability to feed it nearly anything when raising it and therefore altering the taste of its meat based on what it was fed. However, when mass produced, the beast is fed mulch and grain then right before slaughter, farmers feed it one Cockatrice to give it a meaty flavor. Any chef that values their work and name would raise the beast themselves and feed it high quality foods that would reflect on the meat after butcher. For this recipe, the chef would want to raise the Oty to about 2.5 years of age and let the meat cure for 6 months. We recommend feeding it an insect diet of Damseflies for a tender meat, Fireflies for a bit of kick, and rustlers for the earthy taste. The diet should be 2 parts Rustlers, 1 part Damsefly, and 1 part Firefly. This diet may cause your Oty to have a stunted growth so have small dosages Basilisk Blood* added to its water for a larger and more plentiful meat. After meat is done curing follow these instructions for a wonderful Wellington Loaf that is an awesome addition to any formal dinner. Even the Oracle himself treasures this delicacy of a dish.

*Have caution when dosing the Basilisk Blood. Too much and the Oty will be too large to contain. This town CANNOT handle another Blood Drunk behemoth Otyugh.

Equipment	Ingredients
An oven A skillet A Lobotomizer A bread pan A Rolling Pin	1 small ToadFish 5 Cups Nymphs Tears 1 cup Leaf Dragon Leaves 2 tsp Rage Potion (optional) 3 Cups Flour + extra for surface dusting 1 pack rising yeast 1/2 Cup Sugar Cooking Oil 2 Cups Soy Sauce (may substitute teriyaki) 1 Cup Worcestershire Sauce Salt and Pepper

Step 1 - Marinate
2 Hours
In a mixing bowl add Nymphs Tears, 2 cups soy sauce, 1 cup Worcestershire, salt and pepper to taste. Add the rage potion now for some spice if you prefer that. Mix until combined. Add cured Otyugh loin to bowl, be sure to cover fully in marinade, cover and let sit in the fridge for 1 hour. While marinating move on to the bread. 

Step 2 - Bread
1 hour
Combine 3 cups flour, 1 pack rising yeast, 1/2 cup sugar and 1 tablespoon oil to mixing bowl. Mix until a dough emerges. Gently flour flat surface and knead the dough until fluffed. roll flat with rolling pin, lay Leaf Dragon leaves down on the dough flat and let rest.

Step 3 - Sizzled and Wrapped
15 min
Pre heat oven to 350. Remove the meat from fridge and marinade. Add to a lightly oiled hot skillet and just roll the loin across the surface. You are not trying to cook the meat per say but rather brown the surface of the meat. Once all sides are browned, remove from heat. Lay the loin in the center of the flattened down dough on top of the Leaf Dragon leaves. Roll the dough around the loin to wrap it up. Make sure the entire loin is wrapped and no meat is visible. Bake for 1 hour.

Step 4 - Garnish
5 Min
Remove the Wellington from the oven and set to the side. Using the Lobotomizer, fillet the spines off the Toadfish. Its is highly important that a Lobo is used to cut the Toadfish for if you use a regular cooking Dirk the poison will remain in the spines and this wellington will be your last. Set the spines to the side. Cut the wellington into 1 inch (2.54 cm) thick slices. The bread should be a crisp golden brown, the meat should be brown around the edges but rare inside. Plate the wellington and garnish with the remaining Leaf Dragon leaves. Take the lobotomized Toadfish spines and squeeze the non-toxic toxins onto the meat. This will give it a slight acidic taste that is pleasant to the palette.


Step 5 - Enjoy
30 min
Enjoy the Wellington! Its a fine delicacy that many dont have the opportunity to try. Best enjoyed with an Divinity white wine or an anti-matter red. The remaining Otyugh meats can be added to other dishes of your choice. The finished product should look similar to a beef wellington but with a more orange hue.

Spoiler for Beef wellingotn:

Spoiler for Homemade Chocolate Milk in 8 Minutes:

Homemade Chocolate Milk in 8 minutes

Ingredients: 1 cup of Luciferin 1 tbsp of Liquid Shadow 3 tsp of Basilisk Blood 1 tbps of Firefly Nectar 2 Shards of Integrity, crushed

Method: 1. Finely crush the Shards, melting them in a pan. 2. When the Shards are a lumpy liquid, stir in the Firefly Nectar, and stir until mixed, then take off the heat 3. In a bowl, mix the Luciferin and the Liquid Shadow. Do not look at the Luciferin directly, as it is incredibly bright. The Liquid Shadow will darken the Luciferin slightly, making it easier to look at. 4. Add the Basilisk Blood as a thickener, turning the watery mixture more into a milky substance. A similar process is used to make cream and even butter, by adding more Basilisk Blood. 5. Allow the Shard syrup to cool, not letting it set. 6. Add the Shard syrup into the Luciferin, stirring until fully mixed. 7. Add Stone Skin to taste, to get a thicker and richer drink. Enjoy!

Spoiler for The Most Dangerous Shake:

The Most Dangerous Shake

INGREDIENTS	TOOLS
1 dl Nymph Queen's Milk 1 Fate Egg 1 Voodoo Doll part 1 Shard of Serendipity 5 Chaos Seeds 2 dl Crusader's booze 1 Rustler Leaf 1 Immolation Tears over bad RNG	Pulverizer •      Discord •      Shake Glass •      Blender •      Knife •      Protective Devices •

The real danger of this shake lies in...

 ...the obtaining of the ingredients.

Nymph Queen's Milk

There are countless stories about poor mortals who just tried to take
a glimpse of the beauty of a Nymph, and something horrible happened
to them. Nymphs really don't like being spied out by mortals. Sorry.
We have no idea how to pull this off. Maybe... Be beautiful like Adonis.
Or Narcissus. (Remember: be attractive, don't be unattractive!) Approach her.
If you are lucky, she'll fall in love with you. After some x-rated exercises
she is on her way to have some milk. The most hardcore part of the stuff
that you probably have to marry her after that, but hey! We've already
told you this is The Most Dangerous Shake!

Fate Egg

You know, you will have to break that Fate Egg when preparing the shake...
Good luck.

Voodoo Doll part

Which part of the Voodoo Doll will you tear off, hmm...?

Rustler Leaf

Don't worry, you don't have to hurt a poor, harmless Rustler! Rustlers are
half animals half plants, and they are deciduous! Simply just ask a Rustler
to give you some old leaves, or if you don't know their language just wait
for autumn and collect them. For that you need to know and recognize them
- have luck getting a degree in Biology!

Crusader's booze

What you say? Crusaders meant to be holy warriors, not drunkards? OK, do some
research on the Crusades. Looting, pillaging, sacking... all done by crusaders.
Don't tell me they were abstinents! Although I'm not sure you can convince any
of them to share their booze with some lowly... <ahem> no offenses, dear reader!
Just trying to help you avoiding some surprise in said warrior's behavior.

Discord, Chaos Seeds, Shard of Serendipity, Immolation, Pulverizer

Obtaining them no big deal, but using them... different story.

Tears over bad RNG

I don't think any Elements player is in a very good mood after a 2-3 defeat due to
a horrible RNG. You may ask those tears from me, but I can imagine more dangerous
situations. Like asking shockcannon after losing to a 90% Dusk Shield. Or asking
iancu to play some stall with Sundial. Or asking Manuel stop saying SoFree isn't
really op. But hey, we don't want to put Rage Potions into this shake!

Instructions

Ask your beautiful now-wife Nymph Queen for some milk. Gently break the Fate Egg
and hope it wasn't ready to hatch and it is still just and egg. (We don't take any
responsibilities for your damages if you just release stupidly a Ghost of the Past.)
Mix the egg and the milk together in a blender. Add the tears to the booze and mix
them together with the milk-egg mixture in a shaker. (Order matters: adding the pure
tears to the milk will turn it sour...)

Using a Pulverizer grind the Chaos Seeds into dust. Using a protective face mask, kevlar
gloves and a sturdy lab coat/apron is advised. Add the dust to the shake and mix it again
thoroughly. The Voodoo Doll parts must be ground, too. Ouch. Blend if needed. Ouch.
Mix it with the half-made shake.

Throw in a Shard of Serendipity IN ONE PIECE. It'll slowly dissolve in time. Stir it with
a Discord. Decorate it with some finely cut Rustler's leaf, and before serving flambé it
with an Immolation. Careful! You don't want to explode the whole stuff! Enjoy.

(For a nice red hue you can add some Basilisk Blood, too, but don't forget to call off
your programs in advance, since you won't do anything for a... while.)

Please be green and throw out the leftovers and garbage into a Soul Catcher.

You have no time remaining.

[Aves]

CO note: Due to a low number of submissions and people telling me they were interested in the competition, late submissions will be accepted and added to the poll for the below time period. However, votes will not be reset by COs to accomodate them.

You have no time remaining.

[Aves]

Congratulations to MasterWalks, whose Undoubtedly Original Otyugh Wellington got stolen by the author of made it into The Elemental Cookbook - A Compendium and Comprehensive Compilation of Culinary Creations!

Your award icon is not three months late.