Brawl #6 - Round 1 - Voting

[Hyroen]

All my feedback is up and voints have been submitted.

[Aves]

Scribe/Wizard (Ritual)
TG - Misspelings deduced a lot of voints from an otherwise good task (the font color for the book was also a poor choice) - 2

The misspellings were intentional-- universally standardized spelling wasn't always a thing, and we were going for a more medieval-ish theme with the misspellings, and the added notes/vandalism was to cement the fact that this piece of work was looted a time or three. If you took off voints because you thought they were an uncaught mistake, then I urge you to reconsider. If you took off voints because you thought it in poor taste and a bad thematic choice, then, fair enough. Is there a better way you think we could have expressed that theme?

[OldTrees]

Wizard/Scribe

Solid stories from the scribes (at least within my limited ability to judge the Scribe task submissions) so I am focusing on the Wizard side of this task.

First I must say that the Tentacle's Grip Artwork is really nice. I am going to try to limit myself to voting based upon the text & notes/edits rather than the beauty of the artwork. However I must state my appreciation for the recipe book page artwork.

Tentacle:
Having all those notes and amendments on the ritual really helps make the ritual seem more alive. The ritual is an enchantment of a shark to change its prey of choice to gold. I can see the utility of such an enchantment in the tracking of the dragon but finding the dragon is not usually the hard step.

S7:
A spell to summon an unlimited number of shadow warriors/spies but limited by a highly vulnerable single point of failure. Certainly a force multiplier to be put to good use. Although the spell description was rather brief seeing as it was basically 1 step & 2 ingredients.

Pyro:
A potion recipe for crafting potions of bane weapons (including a drinkable version for natural weapons). As normal for potion recipes this is about as intricate as a from scratch cooking recipe.

Frogs:
A general but powerful information gathering ritual. The value of such a ritual in this circumstance is quite context dependent(see the Orbs of Dragonkind) but general would have the potential for providing knowledge of a solution if there is one.

All in all very close submissions. Tentacle 3, Pyro 3, S7 2, Frogs 2.

[CleanOnion]

A few people have voted without giving reasons. Please make sure to give at minimum a very brief reason for who you gave the most voints to! I'll feel really bad about having to remove voints.

[Zawadx]

Royalty

This was a nice and simple task, and so I'll judge it on nice and simple criteria. First is how well the speech flows/ its eloquence, since that's the most important message a speech has. And second is how well they fulfilled what the prompt asked, "Make sure to remind them how important and royal you are."

S7: Your words sound like a school history lesson, not a speech. And a boring history lesson at that. Instead of a smooth flow the speech is jarred by unnecessary exposition. I know most speeches end through a grand release of emotion, but here you didn't build up the emotion properly and so the release is unsatisfying.

Pyro: Your message is clear, but it doesn't flow very well. By interrupting in the middle to talk about the king's replacement and then slowly announcing the feast the emotion built at the start is lost.

Grip: Not gonna judge based on the clip, but I will note that you chose the perfect voice for the speech. The speech was very eloquent, with emotions rising and falling at proper intervals. You include a lot of extra information, but it doesn’t seem irrelevant since they’re presented naturally. Sadly it doesn’t show any of the pomp or arrogance you would expect from royalty.

FROG: Your speech doesn’t really excel in terms of the message, but it does succeed in properly managing emotion.

I focused on the flow of emotion so much because that’s the most important factor in a speech. And that is how I will award points. It’s a shame that everyone’s speech made them sound like a politician, not royalty. Putting some more character into the speech would’ve really helped get the emotions flowing.

Final score:
S7 – 0
Pyro – 2
Grip – 5
FROG – 3


Bard   

Gonna judge based on how nice they are to look at, and how well they get the message across.

S7: I really like how the poster looks. The contrast in the background and the bright main character work surprisingly well together. The characters act as if the dragon is just another easy challenge, which is good to get people to join.

FROG: Another neat looking poster. This one doesn’t directly indicate that people are needed to fight a dragon. But the bold text expressing all the great qualities of signing up to defend the nation, sitting next to a frog in action pose, really does inspire you to join the fight disregarding the foe.

Grip: The use of the fantasy poster is kind of cheesy here. The look is undermined by the shortcomings in the digitalized art (the fake looking nails and the impossibly straight knife slash). The words are nice with their little deception, but the art doesn’t develop on that at all.

Pyro: It’s a very pretty picture. But sadly it’s the worst one for a motivational poster. The dragon depicted looks bored with the fight, ready to decimate the adventure any second. The adventurer looks heroic as he waves his sword, but that only makes him look recklessly foolish.

Gonna award almost max to FROG and S7, with FROG getting the edge because of just how good theirs looks. Pyro gets a consolation point for the very pretty picture.

Final score:
S7 – 4
Pyro – 1
Grip – 0
FROG – 5


Crusader

No special judging criteria in mind. What I liked will be evident soon enough.

FROG: I liked how you related some cards to the roles played by the team members, though some of the card choices for that aren’t really perfect. Doing a frog deck when it’s in your name isn’t all that great, but since it’s still the first round it’s acceptable. Kudos on making the deck suitable for gameplay, and for having such a tight game plan.

S7: The flavor, as you presented it, doesn’t seem really natural. Nor is the inclusion of darkness in the deck natural gameplay-wise. Overall both the theme and the deck seem forced.

Pyro: I really like the tight flavor of an army with hammers, armor, trebuchets and enchantments heading to face the dragon. And it all comes together beautifully in a functional deck! Well done.

Grip: Monowater with QPs? Seems a bit too obvious, doesn’t it? The reason this doesn’t work while FROGS’s deck does, is your presentation of the character. Instead of focusing on the traits of the person or at least their role, you simply matched them to the characteristics of the card.

Final score:
S7 – 0
Pyro – 5
Grip – 2
FROG – 3


Enchanter

Gonna focus first on how well the card is designed, then on how well it relates to a dragon.

Pyro: The card is pretty cool. Damaging ALL creatures on attack fits perfectly with the flavor of a mammoth and also works well with Earth’s complement of high hp creatures. Should’ve clarified wether the mammoth damages itself. In terms of comparison, the mammoth depicted doesn’t really reflect the ability to “level towns and cities in an instant”. AoE does remind you of a dragon’s breath, but that isn’t mentioned in your story at all. Also, the mammoth could be made a bit larger to make it more like a dragon.

FROG: I like how you use a hawk to depict a small-scale dragon. Giving it such a powerful ability (but toned down) builds on that perfectly. But the idea of  -1/-1 debuff isn’t really novel as it’s been in MtG for ages. Also I dislike how you change the name to “Giant” for the upped version, but don’t change the card’s size (in terms of quanta cost or stats) at all. Even the ability change seems minor.

S7: The card is lovely and balanced as well! Of course putting it into darkness isn’t a very good idea, as that’d add repeatable damage to darkness’ list of capabilities. But as a standalone the card works beautifully, with the kill -> Delay + grow mechanic reminding you of a snake devouring its meal and growing stronger. It also serves as a good small-scale dragon. Here again I dislike how you change the name of the upped version but don’t change the related aspects of the cards (The body here, comprised of the stats and the skill)

Grip: The card works beautifully in terms of flavor. The reflection is certainly intriguing, but I don’t like how the meager 1 damage attack is added on (it should be a bit more to reflect the creature’s power). It’s also the perfect creature to relate to a dragon.

I really liked all the entries, but none stood out as the clear best. So just gonna award average marks based on which were good and which were very good.

Final score:
S7 – 3
Pyro – 2
Grip – 3
FROG – 2


Wizard + Scribe

S7:  I like the detail you put into the ritual description, but little else about the submission. The ritual’s procedure or effect aren’t very creative. And the story is more like a paragraph from a meh history book than a story.

Grip: The story shows a lot of character, and tries hard to show the events instead of telling them. But it still feels expository at times, and the change of narrative styles makes the piece as a whole hard to read. The ritual’s effect was quite unique, especially the second, rather unconventional ritual. I laughed at the grocery list in the book x)

Pyro: I really liked the story, which I suppose is due to how well the writing flowed. Its description of how the recipe was pieced together actually got me to pay attention to the recipe itself, which the other pieces couldn’t do. Recipes are inherently boring, so props for making yours an interesting part of the piece. When you tear them apart, the ritual’s effect, the recipe, the writing are all just average. But they are put together masterfully and beautifully combine to create a great submission.

FROG: I’m a fan of D&D and a bigger fan of borrowing directly from other sources in writing, but the ritual piece borrows too strongly from D&D and as such sounds like an entry in the Dungeon Master’s Guide instead of arcane lore. You really shouldn’t have enumerated all the effects like “use the breath weapon of the dragon in the Orb once per 8 hours”  or “If within 1 mile of a dragon of the Orb's type, the wielder can determine the exact location, gender and age of the creature.” The story padding out the two lore pieces is also unnecessary, and its events directly contradict the actual story which follows.
While the story has a nice plot, it moves along too fast and as such makes the plot everything it has. A short story doesn’t really need to cover a lot of events, but should instead focus on fleshing out one or a few and making them memorable. Instead the story reads like a pilot episode of a TV show, which might look good on TV but doesn’t translate well to writing.

Gonna award the max of 5 to Pyro since they were amazing. Grip’s story and recipe could’ve been a bit more refined in terms of style, but they did manage to get a laugh. Gonna give FROG 1 point since their idea was good (despite the bad implementation).

Final score:
S7 – 0
Pyro –5
Grip – 4
FROG – 1

After I finished deciding the vote, I found out that you have to vote on the different components of combo tasks separately. While here the tasks were not especially intertwined, the quality of both pieces from most teams were about the same and the ones who managed to do well did so by complementing one piece with the other. So I’m awarding these points for both tasks.

[Fippe94]

My previous post is now updated with all tasks.

[Vineroz]

Congratulations to all brawl teams! I think all of you have a good start,with some teams having a better start anyways, I think this time it could be more interesting as Brawlmasters are intentionally making tasks more thematic based.

Spoiler for Royalty:

This task is like an introduction to all the future tasks in this brawl, therefore besides the stated requirement (how important and royal you are), I would expect to see how the team connects Elements and their identity. Unfortunately I failed to find any substantial references to Elements, so my voints can only be distributed based on the introduction of their identity and the stated requirement.

TTG emerges as the clear winner here. I particularly like the opening paragraph, which depicts their tribe's identity very well. Also the whole speech is supported with the tone that constantly boosts the morale of the people while keeping the humble wordings. It is a very complete and qualified "King's speech", in my opinion.

On the other hand, all 3 others had their own weaknesses. S7's submission has a strange tone. I feel like it is a conversation with a small group of people instead of a speech. Pyrocloak's "speech" also doesn't sound like a speech, mainly because of the content about sign ups and food. However, the team with least voints in this task is unfortunately F.R.O.G.S. all because of this sentence:

Spoiler for Hidden:

"Some of you may die, but that is a risk I am willing to take for the massive rewards it will bring our kingdom! "

Seriously I don't know how to interpret it in another way that makes it sound more appropriate in a King's speech. Sorry F.R.O.G.S.!

Spoiler for Bard:

The focus of this task is quite simple: to encourage people to join the dragon killing force. So the poster must be attractive enough, possibly with incentives so that people would actually sign up for this dangerous task. Also, any type of illustration or reference of dragon is feasible as it can help define what you think your enemy will look like, which is even helpful in other future tasks.

TTG delivers exactly the message needed to attract people, but one drawback is that I am not quite sure how the picture will fit onto a poster. Also the dagger slashing the dragon head is exactly what a Chinese slang describes: "adding legs while drawing a snake". It really doesn't add value to the picture but instead makes it worse.

Pyrocloak's poster has a clearly define dragon, while a soldier with a orangey cape (I assume that is the "pyrocloak") is fighting against it. It is a very decent picture, however it lacks the focus of this task: encouragement. Especially when it shows the difference of the size and the soldier, it is not exactly helping with the purpose of the poster, right?

S7's poster nearly has everything in it: a distinct leader, some shady dwellers, a dragon, and a "join us". Unfortunately, it didn't express a clear message of "join us to KILL THE DRAGON" with these components. Also, the posture of the dragon is like it is a part of the team, which is also a bit weird.

F.R.O.G.S.'s poster basically lacks all the essential components I am expecting to see. I would have absolutely no idea about the info of joining an army to defeat a dragon just by looking at the banner.

Spoiler for Enchanter:

Two submission really stands out here. I absolutely love the narration of the F.R.O.G.S. people. It has the right amount of relevance, also the way they speak matches the whole situation really well. The card itself is a reasonably common creature, not too strong with a subtle ability and stats, which is very convincing.

I like how TTG compares the dragon with Leviathan/Jormungandr as well, but the ability of the card is the more attractive aspect of their submission. It is actually stronger if it is on board alone against a bigger opponent board, and it fits being a "boss" creature.

The other two submissions are less convincing. Despite quite a large amount of back story, not much explanation is given on how the Mammoth is similar to the dragon. Night Adder/Night Cobra could be a good relatable creature, unfortunately according to the poster in Bard's task the dragon doesn't look like a cobra at all. Also the skill is a bit weird as there is no justification on how it is related or comparable to a dragon's ability.

Spoiler for Crusader:

As an ex deck builder myself, I would award voints on the thematic prospect much more than the mechanic prospect.
My voint distribution of this role is very clear in this round; S7 and Pyrocloaks basically fails immediately because there is nothing in the deck that represents the King/Queen.This is a very basic requirement as stated in the Royalty task.
On the other hand, I am very satisfied with the details of both TTG and F.R.O.G.S.'s submission. Some creatures as soldiers + 1 unique creature for each member is pretty much all it needed for a full mark.

Spoiler for Wizard/Scribe:

At the first sight I think Pyrocloak's wizard submission looks neat. S7's ritual being the shortest one, but the content is concise enough to describe what it does.

[worldwideweb3]

ROYALTY


SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS: I liked the content though can't sense that fire/passion here. You want something at the start to really capture the audience in and i dont see that here. It has a sad tone to it, not that enthusiastic, passionate one. However, it does get a bit better towards the end.

Pyro: Very humble. A bit too much. Need to show them why you are the best! Show off a bit more! I did like the idea of farewell feast though.

Frogs: Perfect stuff. Liked the ending too. Well done.

TTG: I liked this one as well, though narrowly beaten by Frogs (i think). Perhaps was a bit too long, but still good.

BARD

SSSSSSSSSSSSS: I liked the art, but would have liked to see a mention of the word dragon, rather than talking about brawl. Also, dont think the creds at bottom right are really needed on a poster. Would have looked much better without that! Good art though.

FROGS: Simple but good. Again, similar to SSSSSSSS in that i dont see a mention of dragon at all.

TTG: I really liked it. Ticked all the things. Well done.

Pyro: Pixel is not really my thing, though i appreciate the art. And it mentioned what its purpose is. Next time, can we have this without pixel?

CRUSADER

FROGS: Not a fan of bow, but i liked the reasoning behind each card.

SSSSSSSSSS: Good deck. Original, and kept to the theme of your name. Well done.

Pyro: Just seemed a modified cata titan (heavy armour not really needed there too, btw). Lacked the originality.

TTG: Monoo water with 7 QT, and only 1 NT? I know that the name is related to water, hence this, but you could have made it much, much more original. Also, way too many QT's as you can probably see in your screenies. Expecting better stuff in future rounds! 

ENCHANTER

Pyro: In all honesty, i didn't read the wall of text before the card. Though i did like the card and can see how a dragon would have a similar ability. So, nice stuff (but no need for all that text before, imo).

FROGS: Not a big fan of the card here. Firstly, pretty weak creature that, imo, doesnt add much to life in general. Also, a dragon should have more hp. Though the ability does fit the theme of dragon, it seems a bit too strong in general. Would probably like to see a buff to stats and nerf to ability.

SSSSSSSSSS: Nice stuff. There was a mistake on wording of the upped card, but something so small didn't affect my judgement. Just make sure its fine for next round! Fit the theme, balanced stats, ability is good, though i didn't quite like the delay and +2|+2 bit.

TTG: Fits the theme again, but the unupped one looks a bit UP.

Wizard/Scribe

SSSSSSSSS: Eh, sounded a bit too complex. I expect instructions to be easily followed. I liked the story (mainly because it was short XD). One thing i would say is that, don't concentrate too much on theme and relating it to your team name. I think you overdid it this task.

TTG: I liked the idea of having that book thing, though it did make some text a bit difficult to read. Also, instructions didn't seem to be set, almost as if, just try it out, change it as you go along and see what it comes up with. Though i did like the story, and the spaces between paragraphs helped a lot. Without them, it wouldn't look as good.

Pyro: Really liked your recipe. Seemed to have every detail on it. The story was also good. Well done!

FROGS: Giant wall of text. Please do think about presentation next time too. Having said that, i did read all of it, and did like it.

As a general note to all teams: Shorter stories are preffered, about 30 lines (with spaces between paras!)


Also, i would like to claim the best presented votes award. tyvm.

[Linkcat]

I've seen multiple people comment on the two lines in the bottom right corner of S7's Bard task. It's common practice to put things like this on top of finished artwork. It's not actually part of the poster and shouldn't be judged as so.

[Espithel]

Having said that, I don't appreciate the rarity that I associate with the Leviathan. I can't quite imagine the Leviathan as being a common creature across the land.

Any country whose sky isn't filled with giant scaly cyborg leviathan cloacas is not worth living in.

No but seriously, the lore should/is supposed to state that the Frostkraken Empire (TM) Is filled with these scaley demons. I guess it just doesn't. q.q

Also, Eternity exists.