“You Sent For Us, Lord Expert?” asked the head of the WordCaps, breaking the silence in the throne room after hours. “Is Everything Alright?”
“ACTUALLY, EVERYTHING’S NOT ALRIGHT,” replied Lord Expert ALLCAPS, irritation punctuating his every word. “DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK YOU TO GET HERE?”
“Uhhh, A Few Minutes I Guess.”
“FIVE , TO BE PRECISE. IN WHICH TIME A ROGUE WAGERER COULD’VE SNUCK IN, DONE AWAY WITH OUR POINTS, AND BEEN ON HIS MERRY WAY TO VICTORY.” ALLCAPS raged.
“My Apologies, Lord Expert.” The WordCaps chimed, but ALLCAPS promptly ignored them.
“IS THIS HOW YOU PLAN TO TREAT YOUR NEW BRAWLLORD? WITH TARDINESS AND DISLOYALTY?”
“The WordCaps Would Never Betray You.” The WordCap leader said softly.
“I’M SURE THAT’S WHAT YOU TOLD SMALLCAPS BEFORE YOU TURNED AGAINST HIM AND JOINED ME.”
Finally ALLCAPS delivered his judgement, “YOU’RE ALL BANISHED. PLEASE SEND IN THE NEXT GROUP ON YOUR WAY OUT.”
The WordCaps looked at their lord in disbelief, but finally they got up from kneeling and shuffled out of the room.
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“YoUr ExPeRtIsE,” a frail voice came in through the door.
“WHO’S THERE?” Thundered ALLCAPS. He had run out of servants to banish in the last hour, and his temper was on the rise.
“I’m OnE oF tHe AlTeRcApS, yOuR cApNeSs. It Is TiMe FoR yOuR cOrOnAtIoN.”
A smiled appeared on ALLCAPS face for the first time that day. He walked out of the throne room, instructing the ancient AlTeRcAp to follow. They both made their way through hallway after hallway, each with walls littered with calligraphic capitals. AlTeRcAp turned to his lord, “SiR, iF I mAy AsK, wHy HaVe YoU bAnIsHeD aLl Of YoUr SeRvAnTs?”
“NONE OF THEM COULD BE TRUSTED.” ALLCAPS sighed. “SOONER OR LATER EACH OF THEM WOULD HAVE TURNED AGAINST ME.”
AlTeRcAp looked at ALLCAPS, the words “I’m SoRrY yOuR cApNeSs, BuT yOu’Re JuSt NoT rEaDy FoR tHis” revolving in his mind. But before he could muster up his courage, they had arrived at the Coronation Room.
AlTeRcAp let out a long breathe and simply strode to the crown. He raised it high, and started saying the words he had promised to never utter, “By DeCrEe oF tHe BrAwLmAsTeRs, I nOw DeClArE yOu, BrAwLlOrD…”
“WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? DO IT!” ALLCAPS shouted, turning his head to face the dumbfounded AlTeRcAp.
But then a wild Cuckoo had appeared, carrying in its claws a gigantic nest. From that nest out rolled a Pharaoh holding a Staff of Eternity. “I’m sorry,” he said overdramatically, “but you’re not gonna become the BrawlLord today.”
“LOL, YOU’RE HILARIOUS,” ALLCAPS smirked.
“And you’re going down.” Cawed the Cuckoo, miraculously gaining the gift of speech.
ALLCAPS rose, and motioned AlTeRcAp to stop the ceremony. “WAIT! YOU WANT TO SEE WHO’S THE BETTER EXPERT? FINE, LET’S SETTLE THIS. JUST YOU AND ME, OAOA. THE SHOWDOWN THAT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE. CHALLENGI-KAI!!”
“The name’s Player, PlayerOa.” The Pharaoh said, “And you’re on!”
And so they battled, their awesome expertise bursting out like firestorms as they vied for greatness. They frantically searched for the One Tool to Rule Them All (which was the Deck Collection tool, but shush) and to make a better Tool. In the end, they were both exhausted from the pressure of two tasks in one round.
Then ALLCAPS raised his hand. “EXPERTISE? I’LL SHOW YOU MY EXPERTISE.” And with that he took out a Catapult, and sent out several fat creatures at his opponent. But he had miscalculated, and Oa had accounted for the odds of his speed. He quickly equipped his mirror shield and turned ALLCAPS’s creatures against him.
And so, as several humongous creatures came hurling through the air at him, ALLCAPS caught sight of his face in the Mirror Shield. He was startled, observing his deficit wings and his jaws forming a beak. “I LOOK LIKE A CUCKOO!” he screamed, “MY LIFE IS A LIE!”
And then his weak legs gave away, and he fell down to his knees. Thus, as the proud Forum Expert kneeled for the first time, his affliction of ALLCAPS was cured, and he took that name no more. And they all lived happily ever after.
(Except for Divine Light, who were put in fourth position due to ALLCAPS failing at the duel, but shush with the ranting you.)
