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DarkArk

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Jabberwock | Jabberwock https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg388004#msg388004
« on: September 02, 2011, 04:45:02 am »
NAME:
Jabberwock
ELEMENT:
Entropy
COST:
5 :entropy
TYPE:
Creature
ATK|HP:
X+1 | X+1
TEXT:
X= 1*X where X is the number of cards in your opponents hand.
Weird: when targeted by an effect a random effect is inflicted instead.
Dies if lobotomized
NAME:
Jabberwock
ELEMENT:
Entropy
COST:
5 :entropy
TYPE:
Creature
ATK|HP:
X+3 | X+3
TEXT:
X= 1*X where X is the number of cards in your opponents hand.
Crazy: when targeted by an effect a random beneficial effect is inflicted instead.
Dies if lobotomized
ART:
Darkark
IDEA:
Darkark
NOTES:
just a card idea i had, i wanted to make something that fit the chaotic nature of entropy and to me the Jabberwocky seems to fit that well.

i think im ok with most of its upgraded version but the un-uped version and the attk/hp thing im not sure works or is very balanced,  and im also not sure if its effect is easy to understand i do mean it to cover everything except damage and healing but i dont know how to clarify it on the amount of space i have, so any constructive input is wanted and welcome.
 
the original image is from a stock photo site it also happens to be the first image that pops up in a royalty free jabberwocky google search (it rhymes   :)) ) its edited by me i dont think i did a very good job in changing it enough from the original but its not too terrible, though if anyone wants to make a better image for it please do and post it here.

again any constructive input/criticism is greatly appreciated, thanks for taking the time to look at this

Edit: changed the name and added the lobotomized part to the upgraded version.
 the amount of text on the upgraded version went off the card so i had to cut out "random" but it is still implied, so to make it clear a Random beneficial effect is still given,
 i would also change the way that x is determined if i had room but i will just leave it for now

Edit2: was really bothered by the way X was determined so i changed it to what it is now i hope its better, i may not have been able to include all the text but thats what these notes are for let me know what you think.

and for posterity's sake the way X was determined before was "X= :entropy /10" and that just didnt seem like it would ever work very well nor did it fit entropy but due to text constraints i included it instead of saying it was random number

Edit3: changed the way X was determined to 1* the number of cards in your opponents hand, this should avoid any conflict it may have in the crucible and give it some synergy with cards currently in the game
SERIES:

Offline dracomageat

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Re: Jabberwocky | Jabberwocky https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg388262#msg388262
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2011, 09:52:31 pm »
I like the Lobotomised = Dies part for sure but I'm uncertain on the rest.

Plus, there may be copyright issues with the name "Jabberwocky" so I'd suggest changing it to "Jabberwock" since that clearly doesn't have any as I see it everywhere.

DarkArk

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Re: Jabberwocky | Jabberwocky https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg388332#msg388332
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2011, 01:48:12 am »
thanks for your response.

the name jabberwocky is the title of a poem by Lewis Carroll. i checked and as i thought it, along with all of his alice in wonderland works are public domain as they were written before 1923, thank you for your concern though.

i do like the "dies if lobotomized" part of the cards effect considering the jabberwocky was beheaded by a vorpal sword in the poem, and id say lobotomizer comes as close to a vorpal sword as we can currently, though i did feel that having an ability that is so common outright kill the creature without any damage would potentially be a bit much at least for an upgraded creature, so i removed it but depending on what other people say i just may put it back

Offline Naesala

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Re: Jabberwocky | Jabberwocky https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg388340#msg388340
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2011, 02:28:54 am »
The name should be changed to Jabberwock because although jabberwocky is the name of the poem, the creature itself is known as the jabberwock. Also: lobotomizer=vorpal sword is an excellent idea. However to be truely random I think X could equal a random number each turn.

"And, as in uffish thought he stood,
  The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
  And burbled as it came!" (Carroll)
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Offline Pineapple

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Re: Jabberwocky | Jabberwocky https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg388341#msg388341
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2011, 02:39:01 am »
What if it's targeted by a spell/ability that replaces its ability?
And yes, I want dies if skill is changed/removed on it. Makes it more fun.

DarkArk

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Re: Jabberwocky | Jabberwocky https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg388356#msg388356
« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2011, 04:15:31 am »
hey guys thanks for your responses!

that is a good point about the name i just may change it,

to be truely random I think X could equal a random number each turn.
i really wanted to make it like that from the beginning but i wasn't sure how to do so and keep the text to a minimum.

What if it's targeted by a spell/ability that replaces its ability?
i always intended for weird/crazy to be a permanent passive ability so even if it gains a new ability or effect and if even that would be removed or changed, weird/crazy would still take effect the next time it is targeted

and yes i like the lobotomize part of the card as well though im still not sure if having such a weakness for the upgraded version is too much or not i may just add it and see what response i get.

thanks for your input guys, it really is helping to improve this card

DarkArk

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Re: Jabberwock | Jabberwock https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg391889#msg391889
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2011, 11:00:29 pm »
Bump

anymore feedback? or is it ready for the crucible? thanks guys

Offline Naesala

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Re: Jabberwock | Jabberwock https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg391917#msg391917
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2011, 11:54:45 pm »
looks good to go for me.
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zgatt

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Re: Jabberwock | Jabberwock https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg391925#msg391925
« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2011, 12:10:11 am »
What is X's range?

Offline Naesala

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Re: Jabberwock | Jabberwock https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg391968#msg391968
« Reply #9 on: September 11, 2011, 01:35:59 am »
1~10?
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zgatt

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Re: Jabberwock | Jabberwock https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg392012#msg392012
« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2011, 03:32:58 am »
0-9 sounds more reasonable given the cost (average of 5)

DarkArk

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Re: Jabberwock | Jabberwock https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=30535.msg392028#msg392028
« Reply #11 on: September 11, 2011, 04:53:39 am »
ah sorry was out today, i put X's range in the notes but currently they are,
for unuped 0-14 (1 lowest 15 max) and uped is 0-17 (3 lowest 20 max)

i realize that for a five cost card the max is really high so i may just lower it a bit i would like to keep it up there just because "X" will never be consistent and i think it has more appeal if it has a chance to be fairly strong

thanks for the feed back guys keep it coming i think its almost ready

 

blarg: