chuck norrris jokes

[nerd1]

instructions: see title
here are a few examples:

Chuck Norris know Victoria's secret

Chuck Norris invented a language using kick and karate chops, so the next time he kicks

your *ss he might just be trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris died, went to heaven, didn't like it, and asked for a refund.

Chuck Norris is a card, but the only person who has it is Zanz

[Ohmega]

Chuck died 3 ywear before, but the Dead was too afraid to tell him that.
Chuk was the first one to count to infinity... and that three times!
chuck doesn't go hunting, because hunting has a chance of failure in it. Chuck goes killing.

[nerd1]

correcting your grammar:
Chuck Norris died 3 years ago, but the dead didn't have the heart to tell him 
Chuck Norris counted to infinity... Thrice!
last one doesn't need to be corrected.

[DrunkDestroyer]

correcting your grammar:
Chuck Norris died 3 years ago, but the dead didn't have the heart to tell him 
Chuck Norris counted to infinity... Thrice!
last one doesn't need to be corrected.

The meaning was clear before you corrected the grammar..
No offense, but generally there are better ways of making friends than correcting the grammar of forum members, especially not this very intimidating and awesome former master of life.
In other news, the best way of making friends is to shamelessly butt kiss. Which isn't a problem, because yours is so beaultiful and perfect 

(Don't take this statement too seriously, nothing in the humor section can be counted on as fact. As a matter of fact, since we are all writing, everything we say could be sarastic. Not that anyone is. Ever.)

[Ohmega]

It's clear that my grammar wouldn't be good. As a non native my english is not as good as the of many others and translating the jokes from my language into english isn't easy, because you have to somehow keep the joke alive^^

And yes, bow down in front of the first master of life, and the one, that made the first card for reliquary.
I'm awesome! Or awfull? Which one was the word that was used in this context??

[nerd1]

you know what i think is the funniest thing about english not bieng your native language? not spelling your name right
Ohmega
 

[Wardead]

Nerd, you know what's funny? You acting like a Grammar Nazi when clearly you're not.

you know what i think is the funniest thing about english not bieng your native language? not spelling your name right .

Ohmega
 

 

[Ryli]

you know what i think is the funniest thing about english not bieng your native language? not spelling your name right
Ohmega
 

Why don't you have a space between your name nerd1. That is also incorrect. Also, several words in your sentence are incorrect. Please make sure your English is perfect before attacking others who don't use it as a native language.

[Ohmega]

You know my nickname is a combination of my last Name Ohm and the sign for Ohm the greek letter Omega.
Combine this two and you get Ohmega. But probably you don'T understand physics so you don't understand my name.

[kevinlaid1]

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

[Dm]

Chuck Norris lost his virginity BEFORE his father. (omg)
When God said "Let there be light" Chuck answered "Ask please".


(The last one might be wrong, I forgot the last one. I took those two out of my head. Also if the grammar is wrong, Ai Donti Spike Engrishi, so what?  )

[joebob777]

first off i'd like to say http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com FTW
second, it is physically impossible for chuck norris to have a human father, the only realistic explanation is that he went back in time just to concieve himself 
chuck norris once went to burger king. he didnt have it his way, we now know the result as mcdonalds.
and now for a paradox, chuck norris can beat three of himself. ???
chuck norris once stubbed his toe, we know the result as the grand canyon.
in the begining there was nothing, then chuck norris round-house-kicked nothing and told it "get a job"
chuck norris can do push ups on a wall (put your feet against a wall and try to extend your arms all the way, you'll know what i mean)
 that is it for now
sorry dm didnt see i copied one of your jokes, removed let there be light