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Offline Aves

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Re: Forum Brawl #5 - Round 4 - Voting Phase https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61586.msg1228608#msg1228608
« Reply #24 on: March 25, 2016, 06:48:14 am »
Comments on Boss/Writer task. Onlky task I'm really qualified to critique. I'll post my thoughts behind votes for other tasks too, though they prolly won't be as detailed. Hope this is enlightening!
*Snip*

The formatting: Fair enough. Duly noted.

The ending: Well, imagine that there's a UN convention on climate change. And then all of the ambassadors, heads of state, scientists, etc get into a very interesting discussion on the merits and challenges of colonizing Mars, and this discussion lasts for weeks, by far eclipsing the original intent of the meeting, all the while forgetting about the original problem (and their original job descriptions). So you have a society where the ruling council and the brightest statesmen and philosophers are having a very intellectual and enlightening discussion... while the world around them is collapsing and none of them are actually doing their jobs. That was the intent behind the ending, anyways. Any criticism is welcome; what do you suggest that I could have improved on to better convey that message here?

Side-note/explanation: The debate also pokes fun at: A. the "Nerf this Card" Dim shield thread. B. the community/general EtG population's response to certain things(t50 is too easy! Good times, no?), and then ties that together with C. an attempt to explore Scaredgirl's disappearance and how the first forum collapsed in a fairy-tale/mythology/Atlantis inspired theme.
« Last Edit: March 25, 2016, 06:52:32 am by Aves »
:darkness War # 4, 9, 10
:darkness League of Shadows :darkness Brawl # 5

The Tentacle's Grip Brawl # 6

Offline Zawadx

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Re: Forum Brawl #5 - Round 4 - Voting Phase https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61586.msg1228616#msg1228616
« Reply #25 on: March 25, 2016, 11:02:24 am »
First up, I should note that worded my preamble pretty badly. What I posted wasn't truly a well-formed critique, more like my thought process typed out. I wrote it for myself, but couldn't rewrite it for the readers due to time constraints. So I may use words harshly, but they're not meant in offensive tones.

Comments on Boss/Writer task. Onlky task I'm really qualified to critique. I'll post my thoughts behind votes for other tasks too, though they prolly won't be as detailed. Hope this is enlightening!
*Snip*

The formatting: Fair enough. Duly noted.

The ending: Well, imagine that there's a UN convention on climate change. And then all of the ambassadors, heads of state, scientists, etc get into a very interesting discussion on the merits and challenges of colonizing Mars, and this discussion lasts for weeks, by far eclipsing the original intent of the meeting, all the while forgetting about the original problem (and their original job descriptions). So you have a society where the ruling council and the brightest statesmen and philosophers are having a very intellectual and enlightening discussion... while the world around them is collapsing and none of them are actually doing their jobs. That was the intent behind the ending, anyways. Any criticism is welcome; what do you suggest that I could have improved on to better convey that message here?

Side-note/explanation: The debate also pokes fun at: A. the "Nerf this Card" Dim shield thread. B. the community/general EtG population's response to certain things(t50 is too easy! Good times, no?), and then ties that together with C. an attempt to explore Scaredgirl's disappearance and how the first forum collapsed in a fairy-tale/mythology/Atlantis inspired theme.


The crux of the issue is at the list of the complaints. Until then your style really did reflect the grandiose style of a myth. But the list breaks the fourth wall from the start and asks you join along in the hilarity. But before it can be properly built up the flow breaks with "At this, the Master of Aether grew incensed." halting the list midway. You can sort of envision that this part was a flashback to that day, with the list being read by an impersonal announcer. But still, the story doesn't lead you there naturally. Breaking the story apart could've helped, or changing the font.

After that, the ending resorts back to the original style for a brief moment, which is where the effects of the differences in style become apparent. And by then you've forgotten the crux of the issue, the moment where it can be traced. What pops up is the exchange, which is kinda neutral to the style. If you read the debate and the aftermath, you really can't decide what the perspective of the storyteller is.

Was the debate a historic event? But then where is its significance? The ending depicts the debate to be as mundane as it really is, but mundane is not something which fits into a historical dialogue.
Was it a personal experience by the storyteller? But then where is the passion?
Or was it passed down as a myth, which you seemed to have intended. But then it really lacks in grandeur, especially with how rushed the ending is. A true mythology should've also depicted the actual downfall, the rush of armies to the council building and the chaos.
And if you wanted to tell it in a logic-free fairy-tale, I'd advise you to place the emphasis on the main event. You build up to it and depict its aftermath in vivid detail, so that the event is etched into the reader's mind and the moral can be fathomed by them (if they just gloss over a point, they'll never catch its true significance).

Your references were good, just needed to be threaded together better. If I had to rewrite this, I'd go for a more lighthearted tone and set the perspective inside the council room. You wouldn't have to force the backstory on the reader, but could do it in more meaningful ways. For example, you could introduce Scaredgirl as standing beneath a great statue of himself being blessed by the oracle. And there could be a comment in the debate from Antagon, 'who had won fame through his conquest of three elemental territories in one night.' You could represent the issue of complaints multiple times within the debate, thus building up for the eventual fall.
Also, I'd revise the characters so that they'd be more life-like. 'Master of Aether' and 'wise Idea Guru' are kinda bland without the proper imagery. You're relying too much on people recognizing them and having their iconic stature breath life into them. But you could've done so yourself by enhancing the debate, visualizing their actions (not their speech though, that's the dialogue's job) and introducing other council members to support them.

Of course my ideas might make the story a bit too long, and I'd prefer to keep it short enough for the whole dialogue to be fresh in the mind. So I guess I'm lucky I didn't really have to write it myself xP
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Offline Manuel

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Re: Forum Brawl #5 - Round 4 - Voting Phase https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61586.msg1228809#msg1228809
« Reply #26 on: March 27, 2016, 06:11:29 pm »
Community VoteRound 4by Manuel
Boss & Writer League of Shadows: "'Only noobz use Dim shield! Pls nerf!" i see this debate a lot of times this debate in the kong chat, i can't find anything better to describe this game A Toadally Newtral Team: other than a debate is a sort of guide about match ups in this game, i really liked it
Artist League of Shadows:... it's a black dragon on a tower, u can beat this The Chaosomes: elements has mostly fantasy creatures, i like this pseudo sci-fi illustration
CD Abyss Brawlers: the ability reminds me some mtg cards League of Shadows: i love a single passive ability that can nerf or buff some already existing cards in the game
DB Abyss Brawlers: more than the deck i like the "fillers" used like tbolt and fog shield League of Shadows: batman is the only superhero that i like lol
FE The Chaosomes: a lot of work, even if the "script" doesn't work for me Fiery-Hot Mixtape: u should ask for a mixtape or a freestyle, not an alphabet
BonusAbyss Brawlers: really nice the layout of the cards League of Shadows: second only because instead of the elements login screen, it should show an arena deck in plat with dishole or monodarkness 

Offline Zawadx

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Re: Forum Brawl #5 - Round 4 - Voting Phase https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61586.msg1228909#msg1228909
« Reply #27 on: March 29, 2016, 12:36:42 am »
Voting Results:

Boss/Writer
1. Abyss Brawlers Zawadx's Favorite CleanOnion's Favourite
2. A Toadally Newtral Team
3. Gaia's Pride
4. League of Shadows
5. The Chaosomes

Artist
1. The Chaosomes
2. Fiery-Hot Mixtape Zawadx's Favorite CleanOnion's Favourite
3. League of Shadows
4. Abyss Brawlers
5. A Toadally Newtral Team
6. Gaia's Pride

Card Design
1. Abyss Brawlers CleanOnion's Favourite
2. The Chaosomes Zawadx's Favorite
3. League of Shadows
4. Fiery-Hot Mixtape
5. Gaia's Pride
6. A Toadally Newtral Team

Deckbuilder
1. A Toadally Newtral Team
2. Abyss Brawlers
3. League of Shadows TIED WITH
ALSO 3. Gaia's Pride Zawadx's Favorite
5. The Chaosomes CleanOnion's Favourite

Forum Expert
1. The Chaosomes
2. A Toadally Newtral Team
3. League of Shadows Zawadx's Favorite CleanOnion's Favourite
4. Abyss Brawlers
5. Fiery-Hot Mixtape TIED WITH
ALSO 5. Gaia's Pride

Bonus
1. Abyss Brawlers TIED WITH
ALSO 1. League of Shadows
3. The Chaosomes
4. Gaia's Pride
5. A Toadally Newtral Team

As noted before, Challenge won by A Toadally Newtral Team by forfeit.
« Last Edit: March 29, 2016, 12:45:59 am by CleanOnion »
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Offline Zawadx

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Re: Forum Brawl #5 - Round 4 - Voting Phase https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61586.msg1228910#msg1228910
« Reply #28 on: March 29, 2016, 12:40:23 am »
Notes for my votes besides Boss/Writer:

Artist: FHM

I'd already looked at the pictures before gathering my thoughts on this task, though I guess I wouldn't be very objective anyways. Let's see what wows me.

LoS: *Heavy Breathing*
FHM: Whoa. Couldn't play the game, but those beauty shots are nice. The concept is fascinating too.
TC: A good take on the techie aether theme, but FHM outclasses you here imo.
AB: I like the style of altering the landscape again and again, and laughed at the moon crash ^.^ But many of the landscapes look very rushed, would've preferred a better design across the board.
ATNT: The concept of nightfall creeping from one side is interesting. The landscape is great too. But the dulled paint kinda ruins it.
GP: Ok… landscape… what is that guy doing with the bird? :O

LoS has great art, and this is an EtG landscape, but in the end it's a bit bleak. Sorry LoS. Tough call between ATNT and FHM, but in the end I'm choosing FHM based on who implemented their vision better.

FE: LoS

Wow me. And an alphabet needs to be easy to write, if you create a new script.

AB & TC: Hard script.
FHM: No.
GP: LoS does it better.
LoS: Good
ATNT: It's a bit lacklustre, but at least an authentic script. Is it really derived from the marks?

If ATNT could've made their submission more substantial and showed how the letters come from the marks, they'd win my vote. As it is, LoS is the best.

CD: TC

Needs to be balanced and interesting. Let's seee…
GP: I'm confused. Is augment permanent? Then perhaps Nature Queen is ok. These could have been costed lower, at least the in-element ones. Decent idea, but very poor implementation in my eyes.
TC: Interesting mechanic… it just seems weak? On second thought it kinda asks you to build a deck around it for the good ones, so that could be a thing. Chorus angel should've gotten something different from just more stats for a burst (since stats aren't very exciting in EtG). Jelly… looks unreliable and meh. I really love Seer tho, and like the idea for Flame even tho your version is pretty OP.
ATNT: Bactal will be worse than Devtal D: The spell is decent, but the idea seems a bit too annoying to me. Plus changing 1st card in hand 1st means the cards which the opponent has held for longer is changed. Which makes it harder to deal with these things. Unhealthy design, imo.
LoS: The mechanic basically overhauls several cards and just adds an unnecessary level of complexity. I mean discards could be a thing. Why didn't you focus on discards?
AB: I really love your idea, although the implementation left a lot to be desired. Auto Turret really does not deserve a card slot, it should've been a weapon. And cockatrice's effect simply means your opponent needs to kill it last. Ofco it protects against multi-target kills, but only OE falls in that category. Still it's an ok idea, and I just love thief (I kinda wish thief could be placed somewhere besides darkness for balance, but still it's lovely).
FHM: Much stronger implementation of the target mechanic. New golem might be too strong with accelerate/overdrive. I like the new cards, first is sound thematically while still great mechanically and second is common but still nice. The card text and descriptions could've been done better tho.

Love thief, but that's not enough to vote for AB. Toss-up between TC and FHM: Both have good cards but TC wins for simplicity (and because FHM's ideas, besides the cavern, are a bit expected).


DB:  GP

Most meaningful stuff wins.

LoS: Meh. Cards don't come together into Batman for me.
AB: Meh. Deck is pretty generic, though you really can't represents Naps fully unless you copy one of her iconic decks.
TC: I like what it represents. Not too deep tho.
GP: Wow, that deck really does seem like a team. I think the connection was forged well here, making various cards representing  stuff come together to be the best sum of its parts.
ATNT: You can appreciate the well-meaning thoughts behind the deck, but it doesn't really have too much significance or a strong conection.

Easy vote for GP.

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Offline Arum

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Re: Forum Brawl #5 - Round 4 - Voting Phase https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61586.msg1229016#msg1229016
« Reply #29 on: March 30, 2016, 04:32:51 am »
DB

ATNT: You can appreciate the well-meaning thoughts behind the deck, but it doesn't really have too much significance or a strong conection.

One could argue that your judging of the connection or significance is a bad choice, as it is a personal deck, thus relates directly to something that is significant for one person and not necessarily others. I am certain that Timdood3's build of the deck represents his friend as closely as he could, and while not necessarily unique, isn't something I've seen before. Perhaps his friend Thomas saved his life, or helped him with an incredibly tough decision such as where he should go to for college. I do agree on your assessment of Batman (League of Shadows) as Batman is a comicbook superhero, and unless there is a specific story that leads the deckbuilder of LoS to relate with Batman, it's not a personal hero.
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Offline Zawadx

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Re: Forum Brawl #5 - Round 4 - Voting Phase https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61586.msg1229017#msg1229017
« Reply #30 on: March 30, 2016, 04:35:14 am »
DB

ATNT: You can appreciate the well-meaning thoughts behind the deck, but it doesn't really have too much significance or a strong conection.

One could argue that your judging of the connection or significance is a bad choice, as it is a personal deck, thus relates directly to something that is significant for one person and not necessarily others. I am certain that Timdood3's build of the deck represents his friend as closely as he could, and while not necessarily unique, isn't something I've seen before. Perhaps his friend Thomas saved his life, or helped him with an incredibly tough decision such as where he should go to for college. I do agree on your assessment of Batman (League of Shadows) as Batman is a comicbook superhero, and unless there is a specific story that leads the deckbuilder of LoS to relate with Batman, it's not a personal hero.

Perhaps, but he could at least show us what the connection is. If you're submitting it here, you need to submit for the audience. Not for yourself.
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anything
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