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Offline Silver EmeraldTopic starter

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[Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224669#msg1224669
« on: February 22, 2016, 12:40:49 am »
Writer Task, Week I, Brawl V

Challenge: Write three Elements-themed limericks!

Submission starts below the dotted line:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dawn of the Singularity
During a game I played an Entropy card,
It gave me a smile and seemed not too hard,
With ease I played another,
But soon I did discover,
playing too many of these will leave you scarred.

Burning Rubber
Once a Fire guy went to the Bazaar.
Used his Steam Machine just like a car!
He had a Cremation,
But no creatures! Tarnation!
Are mechanics flammable? They are!

Watching Your Path
You can use Precognition all over the place!
Go view the grand plans of time and space.
Yet don't wander too far,
Watch out where you are,
Or you may find an unseen wall in your face.
« Last Edit: February 28, 2016, 09:02:05 pm by Silver Emerald »
The point isn't that the glass is half full or half empty. The point is that it's refillable!

Pen, keyboard, typewriter...the tools of my trade for the construction of worlds.
"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic." - A.W.P.B.D.

Offline Silver EmeraldTopic starter

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Re: [Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224670#msg1224670
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2016, 12:41:51 am »
Oh, reference and anything else I think of I'll put here.

Definition: limerick, n. A kind of humorous verse of five lines, in which the first, second, and fifth lines rhyme with each other, and the third and fourth lines, which are shorter, form a rhymed couplet.

Dictionary definition is missing some specifics. Generally is anapestic (two unstressed syllables followed by a stressed one) with lines 1, 2, and 5 having three such feet (measuring units) and lines 3 and 4 having two feet. Of course there are exceptions (a line may begin by dropping a weak unstressed syllable and adding one to the end instead).

In the current draft, limerick 1 line 2 is in reference to Dylan Thomas's "Do not go gentle into that good night." Too subtle? Too sensitive to make a joke about copyright?
« Last Edit: February 23, 2016, 10:47:36 pm by Silver Emerald »
The point isn't that the glass is half full or half empty. The point is that it's refillable!

Pen, keyboard, typewriter...the tools of my trade for the construction of worlds.
"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic." - A.W.P.B.D.

Offline JonathanCrazyJ

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Re: [Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224676#msg1224676
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2016, 01:36:25 am »
Example:

There once was a lady named Jill
Who used dynamite sticks for a thrill
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil.

Obviously you'll have to be PG-13 and elements based, but i think humor is definitely the way to go :)
« Last Edit: February 22, 2016, 03:18:20 am by JonathanCrazyJ »
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Offline Silver EmeraldTopic starter

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Re: [Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224758#msg1224758
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2016, 03:27:43 pm »
Will be thinking about the direction during classes today, though I agree humor is an excellent use of the limerick.

'Elements' is a pretty broad category, though. Anyone have ideas on more specific themes?
The point isn't that the glass is half full or half empty. The point is that it's refillable!

Pen, keyboard, typewriter...the tools of my trade for the construction of worlds.
"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic." - A.W.P.B.D.

Offline JonathanCrazyJ

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Re: [Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224775#msg1224775
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2016, 05:25:07 pm »
3 limericks, one for trials, one for war, one for brawl?
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Offline Silver EmeraldTopic starter

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Re: [Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224938#msg1224938
« Reply #5 on: February 23, 2016, 06:47:07 pm »
All right, first draft in the OP, so far mostly based on random thoughts and a general direction towards humor. In order to keep track of changes over time, that current copy I'll also place here.

Spoiler for Draft 1:
After War, the forum-realm vanished into night.
'Midst rage, rage against the dying of the light!
Though 'tis sad to say
That by this Brawl day
This poem (hope not) could too vanish for copyright.

A Fire elemental drove to the bazaar.
Used his Steam Machine just like a car!
But then it dried up!
And even with Tears, yup,
He found he couldn't get very far.

You can use Precognition all over the place!
See what will be, or could be, in every case.
Yet don't stray too far
Seeking the future's par,
Or you may find an unseen wall in your face.
The point isn't that the glass is half full or half empty. The point is that it's refillable!

Pen, keyboard, typewriter...the tools of my trade for the construction of worlds.
"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic." - A.W.P.B.D.

Offline majofa

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Re: [Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224940#msg1224940
« Reply #6 on: February 23, 2016, 07:09:24 pm »
~ DAWN OF THE SINGULARITY ~
I once played a card,
it didn't seem too hard.
I thought I'd play another,
but soon did I discover..
playing too many can leave you scarred.


^ Here's a lulzy one.

Offline JonathanCrazyJ

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Re: [Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224942#msg1224942
« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2016, 07:55:41 pm »
there's slightly more to a limerick than the
A
A
B
B
A
ryhming pattern.

On top of that, limericks have to follow a certain rhythm, and some of your lines, though nicely written, are too long
It should be able to be read almost exactly like this:

https://soundcloud.com/crazejonathan/explaining-limerick-rhythm

Also, quite like majofa's one hehe
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Offline majofa

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Re: [Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224943#msg1224943
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2016, 08:06:29 pm »
Ya, I was trying to get it down before I forgot. Anyone can feel free to clean it up if they want.

Offline JonathanCrazyJ

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Re: [Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224951#msg1224951
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2016, 09:55:01 pm »
You can use Precognition all over the place!
To view the great plans of time and space.
Yet don't wander too far,
Watch where you are,
Or you may find an unseen wall in your face.

Slightly edited for formatting and rhythm, and to make the language simpler. I think this one is brilliant, lovely idea :D
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Offline Silver EmeraldTopic starter

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Re: [Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224957#msg1224957
« Reply #10 on: February 23, 2016, 11:11:43 pm »
After some amending, I've added this recent suggestion as the third limerick and also added a question into the opening post, since I think there are a few ways to tweak the second line.

I've also revamped the second piece of poetry so that it actually has the right meter. However, I know some of the wording is a little awkward to speak readily and could be further improved.
The point isn't that the glass is half full or half empty. The point is that it's refillable!

Pen, keyboard, typewriter...the tools of my trade for the construction of worlds.
"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic." - A.W.P.B.D.

Offline majofa

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Re: [Round 1] Writer Task https://elementscommunity.org/forum/index.php?topic=61265.msg1224959#msg1224959
« Reply #11 on: February 23, 2016, 11:33:43 pm »
http://elementscommunity.org/forum/general-discussion/elements-text-colors/msg385027/#msg385027

ColorCode
:aetherAetherturquoise
:airAir#77DDFF
:darknessDarknessblack
:deathDeath#9966FF
:earthEarth#BB6633
:entropyEntropyviolet
:fireFire#FF4444
:gravityGravityorange
:lifeLifelimegreen
:lightLightwhite
:timeTimeyellow
:waterWater#1177EE

 

blarg: